Monday, January 28, 2013

pregnant with a baby... and giving birth to dreams.

5 years ago, i wrote a blog post called pregnant with dreams. I came back to that blog post and read it again recently, smiling to myself and shaking my head at how it was probably a mix of faith in a big God + partly my naïveté that has given me the tenacity to believe for big things despite the challenges that came my way. i was also amused when i counted back at how long ago it's been since God had first conceived those dream in me....coz it pretty much took 11 years of being pregnant with that dream and im now only getting to enjoy the fruit of it.

speaking of being el preggo, i have been a human baby making machine/incubator for 33 weeks now. only 6 more weeks till we get to meet this baby girl who is already rocking our world with PINK! anywhoo.....i found myself complaining to telling my husband how uncomfortable this last trimester has become.. i mean, dont get me wrong....being pregnant with life growing in the inside of me is wonderful and exciting and i wouldn't trade it for anything else.... but it also comes with pain and stretching. aside from the weight gain, there's bleeding gums, flatulence, incontinence, indigestion, back ache, swollen feet, heavy boobs, gestational diabetes & having to prick myself 4x a day to check my blood sugar.... aaaaaand not to mention, feeling like a seal walrus and having a hard time getting up from wherever i am sitting (or laying) without any help.

after whining sharing these things to john... it brought me back to think about my previous blog post about being pregnant with dreams....often times, people dream about having an easy pregnancy with no morning sickness, a healthy weight gain of about 20lbs, no stretch marks, no epidural, no pain, and no tearing and after one big push... voila.... they hand you a healthy, beautiful baby with dimples who will sleep through the night and not cry and fuss... but pregnancy and labor and having babies isn't as easy as it seems coz it requires a lot of sacrifice.

a silhouette of me with my 32 week belly in waikiki.

it's been 28 days since the beginning of the new year. i've heard so many people desire the promise of the "new". (isaiah 43:19) a new season, a new living situation, a new promise of health, a new job, new relationships, new promotion, a new plan to see their dreams unfold etc.

but the reality is, most people who want the "new" life that they say they do, are NOT willing to go through the messy and hard process of carrying and growing the new dream and goal that is living inside of them. being pregnant with a baby or dreams and goals or a new vision entails being stretched and challenged to do the things that aren't comfortable, and sometimes do things that are very painful and way beyond your comfort level. it requires you to be strong enough to carry the extra weight & be healthy enough to sustain your own personal growth as well as sustaining the life (or dream) that you are carrying... it requires you to have to ask for help coz sometimes it's just too much to try and stand alone when you find yourself down.

being pregnant means having to be okay to have "doctors" check up on you (and prod and poke you in places you would rather keep private) to make sure you're healthy in every way. it means having to have ultrasounds to check your "insides" just to see if you're insides are as healthy inside as what you are showing outside. it means having to endure bleeding, contractions, and having weird things like mucus plugs on the inside of you come out (i know gross right?).

it means gritting your teeth through the aches and pain as you labor and push. and it also means being okay if the way you thought you'd give birth to your baby/dream may not look like how you planned it in your head. (when i was giving birth to my oldest son, i thought i would pop him out in an instant. i had to go through 12 hours of labor with no epidural only to have an emergency c-section coz i dilated only 2 centimeters and my amniotic fluid was running out.) let me tell ya, that was NOT how i planned it my head. but, even through all that pain and unplanned moments, having my son was sooooo worth it.

11 years after feeling the first flutters of pregnant with His dreams inside of me, God has proven Himself faithful to allow those dreams to be birthed and I am currently having the time of my life watching that "baby" grow. the years of waiting, prodding, pruning and stretching have been worth it. those trying times have actually been the very key for me to have expanded room for overflowing faith to allow for God to conceive even bigger dreams and goals for this next season.

God, who is the Master Creator and life giver, is always willing to breathe new life and new dreams inside of His most precious creation, but we have to show ourselves faithful to Him that He can trust us to carry and birth His dreams however long (or short) it will take.