Monday, January 28, 2013

pregnant with a baby... and giving birth to dreams.

5 years ago, i wrote a blog post called pregnant with dreams. I came back to that blog post and read it again recently, smiling to myself and shaking my head at how it was probably a mix of faith in a big God + partly my naïveté that has given me the tenacity to believe for big things despite the challenges that came my way. i was also amused when i counted back at how long ago it's been since God had first conceived those dream in me....coz it pretty much took 11 years of being pregnant with that dream and im now only getting to enjoy the fruit of it.

speaking of being el preggo, i have been a human baby making machine/incubator for 33 weeks now. only 6 more weeks till we get to meet this baby girl who is already rocking our world with PINK! anywhoo.....i found myself complaining to telling my husband how uncomfortable this last trimester has become.. i mean, dont get me wrong....being pregnant with life growing in the inside of me is wonderful and exciting and i wouldn't trade it for anything else.... but it also comes with pain and stretching. aside from the weight gain, there's bleeding gums, flatulence, incontinence, indigestion, back ache, swollen feet, heavy boobs, gestational diabetes & having to prick myself 4x a day to check my blood sugar.... aaaaaand not to mention, feeling like a seal walrus and having a hard time getting up from wherever i am sitting (or laying) without any help.

after whining sharing these things to john... it brought me back to think about my previous blog post about being pregnant with dreams....often times, people dream about having an easy pregnancy with no morning sickness, a healthy weight gain of about 20lbs, no stretch marks, no epidural, no pain, and no tearing and after one big push... voila.... they hand you a healthy, beautiful baby with dimples who will sleep through the night and not cry and fuss... but pregnancy and labor and having babies isn't as easy as it seems coz it requires a lot of sacrifice.

a silhouette of me with my 32 week belly in waikiki.

it's been 28 days since the beginning of the new year. i've heard so many people desire the promise of the "new". (isaiah 43:19) a new season, a new living situation, a new promise of health, a new job, new relationships, new promotion, a new plan to see their dreams unfold etc.

but the reality is, most people who want the "new" life that they say they do, are NOT willing to go through the messy and hard process of carrying and growing the new dream and goal that is living inside of them. being pregnant with a baby or dreams and goals or a new vision entails being stretched and challenged to do the things that aren't comfortable, and sometimes do things that are very painful and way beyond your comfort level. it requires you to be strong enough to carry the extra weight & be healthy enough to sustain your own personal growth as well as sustaining the life (or dream) that you are carrying... it requires you to have to ask for help coz sometimes it's just too much to try and stand alone when you find yourself down.

being pregnant means having to be okay to have "doctors" check up on you (and prod and poke you in places you would rather keep private) to make sure you're healthy in every way. it means having to have ultrasounds to check your "insides" just to see if you're insides are as healthy inside as what you are showing outside. it means having to endure bleeding, contractions, and having weird things like mucus plugs on the inside of you come out (i know gross right?).

it means gritting your teeth through the aches and pain as you labor and push. and it also means being okay if the way you thought you'd give birth to your baby/dream may not look like how you planned it in your head. (when i was giving birth to my oldest son, i thought i would pop him out in an instant. i had to go through 12 hours of labor with no epidural only to have an emergency c-section coz i dilated only 2 centimeters and my amniotic fluid was running out.) let me tell ya, that was NOT how i planned it my head. but, even through all that pain and unplanned moments, having my son was sooooo worth it.

11 years after feeling the first flutters of pregnant with His dreams inside of me, God has proven Himself faithful to allow those dreams to be birthed and I am currently having the time of my life watching that "baby" grow. the years of waiting, prodding, pruning and stretching have been worth it. those trying times have actually been the very key for me to have expanded room for overflowing faith to allow for God to conceive even bigger dreams and goals for this next season.

God, who is the Master Creator and life giver, is always willing to breathe new life and new dreams inside of His most precious creation, but we have to show ourselves faithful to Him that He can trust us to carry and birth His dreams however long (or short) it will take.

Monday, January 14, 2013

#oneword365 for 2013

last year's one word - NEWbrought so much to the table that i am at a loss for words to even begin to express how grateful and thankful i really am with what God has done in my life. last year, God has filled my cup with blessings beyond what i had imagined, prayed and even hoped for. after making a choice to live my life as a missionary, He has been faithful to His promise to give back what has been sowed, a good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over indeed...and He has poured down and lavished me with so much that my heart is overflowing with gratitude and praise. 

so my #oneword365 for 2013 is overflow.

this word has been swirling in my head since december. (it only took me 15 days to sit down and find time to write my heart out...sorry ya'll this preggy mama loves resting whenever i find the time). i prayerfully considered other words like: grace, stretch, growth, courage, etc. thinking that the word overflow was a bit too much, too extravagant, too excessive, and it maybe might even sound too selfish. it seems though, that my themes & one words for the past few years seem to tell a story within themselves... and i love how they interconnect with each other (from die2self, face to face, dream, believe, and new). this year, instead of giving me another word, He showed me scriptures after scriptures and verses after verses in the bible with the word overflow, overflows, overflowing, running over, abundance, etc. 

and then He whispered to me..."let the redeemed of the Lord say so"... SAY SO! share what He has done, to write it, speak it, to shout if from the mountain top.... because out of the overflow of my heart, my mouth will speak.... and this year i will proclaim the goodness and redemption that has happened in my life last year and even see an overflow of His Spirit, His blessings, His provision, His wisdom. more of Him.

well let me tell God has redeemed. and i am going to say so. so my verse for this year is:

My heart overflows with a pleasing theme; I address my verses to the King; my tongue is like the pen of a ready scribe (Psalms 45:1 esv) 

overflow can be a scary word.  because to be entrusted with much means there is so much more at stake...there's more room to make mistakes, more room to fail, more room to fall. but there is also more room to grow and be stretched and grow in faith. the overflow of last year's new - new family new job, new responsibilities, new ministry, means that i am being stretched in a good way. stretched literally and physically coz my belly is actually bulging and i cannot see my feet anymore and also stretched figuratively because of everything  that this year entails and what it asks of me.

but i know if i choose to abide in Him, His Spirit that overflows in and through me will be able to give me the strength, tenacity, joy, peace, leadership skills, wisdom and everything i need to do what He asks of me to do. because He has come so that i may have life....and have it to the full...till it overflows. 

so bring it 2013. and let His love overflow.