Monday, October 22, 2012

testimonies of your most painful processes become powerful promises ::sharing my heart on single parenting, experiencing abuse and livinglife as an illegal immigrant

"the testimonies of your most painful processes become powerful promises to the people you were born to minister to" - Jim Laffoon

THIS. QUOTE. RIGHT. HERE. this is the reason why i am in ministry. this is why i am a missionary. this is why i chose to hold on hard to God's promises in my life even when life threw me lemons that were covered with sh*t manure. coz if the experiences that God has allowed me to go through can help others find the power of the gospel and the love of Christ, then i will continue to share my story to show to the world that the God i worship is indeed who He says He is.

He has healed my heart from painful scars. some of the painful processes that this journey of life has taken me through in the past 30+ years are:
  • the cold blooded murder of my grandfather.
  • the death of  my baby brother.
  • the divorce of my parents... and another divorce of my mom and step dad.
  • seeing the consequences of abuse and adultery and how it can rip relationships apart.
  • growing up and seeing a rampant display of incest, adultery, cheating, drugs, unforgiveness and watching family fight over money and power.
  • being sexually, physically, emotionally and verbally abused and molested as a little girl till i was a teenager. and having it allowed to happen because people were paralyzed by their own situations.
  • growing up masking the pain by drowning myself in drinking, smoking, drugs, cutting, sex, pornography, food, and whatever else i could use to numb the pain i felt as a teenager.
  • being rejected as a 20 year old, left to raise a child on my own the same day the guy found out i was pregnant.
  • getting dengue fever twice and being told i was supposed to die. twice.
  • wanting to follow hard after God - and seeing churches and ministries rise and crumble right before my very eyes and seeing people and leaders fall away from God because the church became a very hurtful place to be instead of being the place of refuge God created it to be.
  • to continue to serve in church and meet and disciple women and challenge them to walk through the good times with God but also through the hard times with God, telling them about His love and faithfulness in our lives, even if there were times when i would go home and cry and question God if He would ever do the things He promised He would.
  • having all my childhood memories and personal belongings burn to ashes as our house burned down in the philippines.
  • living as an illegal immigrant single mother in this country because there was no "home" to go back to. living in constant fear of being caught and deported and being separated from my son or my family.
  • choosing to follow hard after God and keep my integrity to wait on Him knowing that money, provision and even our basic necessities as mother and son would not be met had it not been for His hand of blessing.
  • my mom getting a cancer scare.
  • seeing my son go through the painful experience of sleeping on floors and sleeping bags and not having money for food for that day because we were poor.
  • to continue to hold on to the dreams God has planted in my heart, even when there were people around me questioned me and my motives and didn't believe that it could ever happen.
  • to leave my family 2500 miles away to live out God's call in my life to build His kingdom... and in the process of doing so...experiencing one of the greatest years of joys of my life... but also having to have experienced homesickness, a tearing of relationships with friends and with in-laws and having to cling to God once again to open doors of breakthroughs. 

in each of those processes, there was extreme pain. there were countless tears sowed. there were many sleepless nights. the people that have walked with me for years at a time know the journey it took for me to get to where i was to where i am now. they also know the tenacious faith and white knuckled grip it took for me to hold on to God's will for my life instead of giving up and taking the easy way out. 

this is why ruth is my favorite book in the bible. her life started out real bad...yet God was able to redeem her story and she was blessed with family, with friends, with a husband, with a child, and she became Jesus' great great great great great great (10x) grandmother. what a legacy. all because a gentile woman decided to believe in a God who said He loved her. in her story, His story was told.

i live my life in a glass bowl. i am not afraid and unashamed of the process and the journey that God has taken me through and is taking me through. i am bold enough to share the good, the bad, and the ugly, because just like Jim Laffoon said...."the testimonies of my most painful processes become powerful promises to the people you were born to minister to."

in each of those painful times in my life there have been breakthrough. God has turned each of those situations around and caused good to happen. yes, in EACH AND EVERY ONE of those situations. (romans 8:28)

ALL THESE EXPERIENCES that God had allowed me to go through just means that there are people that God has brought or will bring into my life that need to hear about this journey of mine because they are going through something similar themselves. God has allowed for me to experience these things so i can share to others about this GOD that i worship that has allowed me to overcome. A GOD WHO KNOWS. A GOD WHO HEALS. A GOD WHO PROVIDES. A GOD WHO ANSWERS. A GOD WHO FORGIVES. A GOD WHO SEES. A KING WHO SAVES. A FATHER WHO LOVES.

the testimonies of your most painful processes become powerful promises to the people you were born to minister to if you allow God to work through you and in you during the process and allow Him to tell His story through yours. share your story for His glory.

and now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you - Genesis 45:5

you intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives - Genesis 50:20