Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Photographs and thoughts at 3am

It's 3:00am Cali time (midnight in Hawaii) and I can't sleep. my brain hasn't been able to shut down. And my allergies are messing me up.

Can't believe we've been here for 5 days already. These past few days have been crazy fast, trying to play parties and weddings and even more parties. It's been a constant go-go-go. I forgot how busy life gets here in LA.

In the midst of the "go", I've taken photographs in my heart of certain moments that I want to capture in my memory forever. Moments that make my heart feel full. Moments when i wish that the clock would slow itself down and not even move. Times that I wish could last a little longer than that minute that it was given.

A photograph of me being here with my nephew watching him grow up - crawling, smiling, crying, hugging. Seriously, this kid is the cutest. He hardly ever cries and is one of the easiest babies to take care of. Aaaaaack I just wanna bite him and squeeze him.

A photograph of being with immediate family. My crazy, zany, often dramatic family with all our weirdness, quirks and idiosyncrasies. Though it drives me crazy often times, these are the very things I miss when my heart misses home. Being far away from my parents and sisters is hard.

A photograph of being friends and girlfriends. Who cry or squeal or shout when they see you coz they miss you so much, no words can express what they feel. Girlfriends who throw parties for you and drop last minute plans just to be with you. Friends who have supported me and believed in me by praying, encouraging, and even giving financially these past 11 months and are willing to continue to do so coz they believe in the vision God has put in my heart, and now in my husband's heart as well.

A photograph of being with sisters and best friends together. My sisters. Blood sisters. Adopted sisters. Sisters who know me, can make me laugh out loud with one look, and can affirm my husband's theories about me being crazy by sharing their own stories of crazy Patricia :)))

A photograph of food. An array of food. Cheap food. Real cheap food!!!!

A photograph of watching my husband being welcomed with open arms. LA isnt necessarily the friendliest city in the world, but he sure did get a lot of love here already. He was a complete stranger to almost everyone here, yet everyone in my family and church welcomed him and loved on him and they were all excited to meet him as much as they wanted to see me. A photograph of seeing the expression in his face, to see me in my element and see how much the people here have exemplified friendship and love. He now understands (and has seen) the full reality of how hard it was for me 11 months ago, to leave family & friends in order to do God's will and move 2500 miles to live away in a land full of complete strangers.

A photograph of the toast during my bridal shower, when my sister said "for dreams coming true".... And how each person in that table KNEW to some capacity, the fight it took for me to continue to stay in faith and believe for God for breakthrough.

A photograph of cousins with familiar hugs and smiles and jokes and stories about me before I became a Christian. Boy do they got some stories ;)

A photograph of my son and his excitement to see and be with his friends. Friends he has grown up with all his life.

My heart has taken photographs of these special moments. I'm so glad I have a few more days to create memories. I'm trying to take it all in. And at 3:20am, i find myself in tears because i already know how hard it is going to be for me to get on that plane next week and leave.

Los Angeles is not the homiest place, its not even the friendliest place, but the people here have created an environment here for my heart to call home.

Dear God, I ask, please remind me and speak to my heart as to why You are asking me to leave all this and go back to Hawaii. And please give me strength not to break down and cry at my wedding in front of all the people that are the very reasons why it is going to be so very hard for me to leave.