Thursday, March 29, 2012

Friends, the beach and estrogen.

Day time: spending time with one of my closest friends at the beach today, talking about our journey from 9 years ago and seeing where God has taken us now and we were bragging on His faithfulness. We both realized how much the beach has a way of bringing joy and healing to our hearts.

Night time: spending time at hope chapel west Oahu - arise women's meeting. Getting refreshed with God's spirit in a room full of God's spirit and estrogen :)

God knew how much I needed this today. Estrogen and Holy Spirit overload.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

choosing Christian's happiness, saving the dog, cancelling our wedding and God showing off.

they say when you're a parent, you will do anything to make sure that your child feels loved, even if it means sacrificing your own happiness. this weekend, that saying was put to the test. john and i had to make a choice between making our son happy and saving our dog or giving the dog up so we could fly to LA to have our wedding celebration with family & friends. we chose to cancel our wedding and prioritized our son more than anyone else. what happened next is nothing short of a miracle. but first, the timeline of events that led to the miracle.

timeline of events:
10:00 pm 3/25 sunday night - we came home from a seminar, walked the dog and saw his eye was bleeding (not just inflamed red, but bleeding onto his fur) we decided at once to take him to the vet. the vet said we had to take his eye out or it would rupture and bambam would eventually die. i scrambled to see how much extra money i had. christian gave $143 of his savings. we came up with a total. it wasn't even close to what was needed. the cost of his eye-removal operation was $2000. we didn't have that money. we just went through a process of using a chunk of our savings for john to adopt christian legally as his own son and that is why our budget was down to zilch for the wedding. we opted to have john adopt christian rather than have a big wedding.

i looked at john and cried. $2000 was our budget for our LA trip this summer. We had planned to spend our first 2.5 weeks out there to meet with ministry partners and raise support and our last week was to prepare and celebrate our intimate wedding with our family and a few close friends. our budget for our wedding was only $1000 (yes, it's a really small wedding). The other $1000 was for our expenses to rent a car and feed 3 people while we were out in LA. things looked bleak but we decided to sleep on it before we made a firm decision.

9:00 am 3/26 monday morning - i was sitting in john's office while he rehearsed songs with his students. i received calls & text from family and friends sharing their heart, concerns, opinions and ideas. in the midst of all the noise and advice, the one voice that was louder than anyone else was my son's wail when i told him we were considering the option of putting the dog to sleep (and/or adoption). he has prayed for and waited for this dog for a long time and that news broke his heart. i was caught between a rock and a hard place and i didn't know what to do.

i could hear dave ramsey in my head say "if you live like no one else, later on you can live like no one else." so i decided to live like no one else at that moment. when my husband came into his office, i told him my mind was set. we either had to choose the dog or choose the wedding. we couldn't do both. it would be too much on our shoulders to do both and go into debt.

he said that as much as he loved the thought of having the LA wedding, he couldn't bear to cause pain to our son. he knew how much an adolescent kid (who just moved to a new place) needed his constant best friend. plus, we took bambam as part of our family and it was our responsibility to take care of him, because that's what a family does. i agreed with him and we made a decision. we were going to cancel our wedding. 

for the next 24 hours, 
i pretty much cried my eyes out. 

we decided to wait before we told our family... i tried to tell myself "stop being selfish, you already had a small wedding here in don't need to celebrate with your family." but the more i told myself that...the more it hurt me. why would God not allow me to spend a joyous occasion with people who i love the most? i told john "don't cancel the plane tickets just yet, let's give God ONE WEEK to come through. if He wants us to go, He will provide. if He doesn't then He will give me peace in my heart".

9:00 - 11:00 am 3/27 tuesday morning  -  i told & emailed my family, my bridesmaids and a few close friends that the wedding was canceled. i explained to them the reason why we came to that decision and apologized to those who had booked tickets in advance. john hadn't even had the chance to explain to his family what happened since he was prepping for a school concert that he had today.

12:00-3:00pm tuesday afternoon - phone calls and texts and chat messages flooded in - to console, to give opinion, to comfort and to encourage. seriously, i don't know what i'd do without the covenant relationships that God has given to me.

3:16 pm tuesday afternoon - a couple of my friends, (let's call them angels) called me to ask what happened.  i explained. i cried. i explained some more. and then angels said... "We decided that we're gonna give you the $2000 you need so you can have your wedding here in LA with your family and friends" or something to that effect. i really didn't hear half of what was said, coz i fell into shock. 

cry (again). 

this time it was because my heart was happy and not because of sadness. and i said thank you several times to my angels. i probably sounded like a broken machine. we put the phone down and i sat there and cried some more. 

i told my husband let's give God a week. God pretty much showed off how superbly awesome He really is. Maybe God was thinking: "a week!?!?? you gave me a week?!?!!? and to call yourself my favorite....what about Me performing a miracle in a day?!?!?!"

after the sobfest... i could hear a whisper in my heart as He began to minister to me. as a mom, i wanted nothing more than to give my son good gifts to make him smile, even giving up my own happiness in order to make my child happy .... well what more the desire of our Daddy in heaven? He was willing to do everything for His children, giving Himself up on the cross to die for us. And as if that wasn't enough, He wants to give His children His heavenly treasures so we can proclaim His glory here on earth." (Luke 11:11-13)

this wedding will be nothing short of a miraculous testimony of God's goodness. our union is a miracle within itself. a testimony that God loves and God cares and God sees every detail of our lives. and even though there are years when you sow and you sow and it seems like drought is all around, when the season of harvest comes, it sure does come in abundance - pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be poured into your lap, just like He promised. (luke 6:38)

to my angels - you know who you are. THANK YOU. thank you for being obedient. thank you for stepping out in faith. thank you for allowing me and my husband the chance to celebrate a wedding with our family in los angeles. we are extremely grateful. and we pray God blesses you with amazingness. ;)

to God - you ROCK my socks! you love 'em all...but i guess i really am your favorite. thank you for this new season. i serve a Majestic King.

to my family - God knew how much my heart needed time with you. it's celebration time =D 

by the's a picture of bambam and christian. the best friends are together again.

Monday, March 26, 2012

This guy (& my son's happiness) or LA (ministry support raising & our wedding)

Decisions that need to be made but is absolutely breaking my heart right now to have to choose.

Saturday, March 24, 2012

When bad Christians happen to good people.

Next book: When bad Christians happen to good people :: coz we've all become that "bad Christian" at one point in our lives. #book #truthhurts

Sunday, March 18, 2012

making mistakes, living out dreams, preaching God's word & choosing.

here are the notes and a lil' video clip that my husband took while i taught the word during our sunday service. =] i committed every public speaking mistake that i knew not to do. LOL! i had taught different classes in LA before and even shared my testimony several times before, but holding the mic for 45 minutes in a non-class setting was new for me.  i was a nervous wreck and i was scared (coz i used to have a really bad fear of speaking in public).  but i did it scared anyway because this was my dream. and i don't let anything hold me back from pursuing my dream, not even my own fears.

i stuttered, i sweat, i stuttered even more and i had a LOT of fun preaching God's word. slowly but surely, God has and is taking me through the journey of making my dreams come true. and my heart's desire with the message i shared is for all of God's children to CHOOSE to live life the way God intended us to, so that He can hold our hands and lead us daily into the wonderful dreams and exciting destiny HE has planned out for our life.

these were my notes from the message i taught during the sunday service at church and the video that the mr. took.


The Lord had said to Abram, "Leave your native country, your relatives, and your father's family and go to the land that I will show youI will make you into a great nation. I will bless you and make you great and 
you will be a blessing to others. I will bless those who bless you and curse those who treat you with contempt. All the families of the earth will be blessed through you" (Genesis 12:1-3)

Principles that Abraham chose to live by in order to fulfill God's dream for his life.

1. You must choose to LEAVE everything before God shows you His plan for your life.
Genesis 12:1 "Leave your native country, relatives and family" (Luke 18:22, Matthew 4:19-20; Philippians 3:8)
  • God requires 100% surrender. If you can't trust Him with your whole life, how can He trust you with His plans and dreams? Complete Lordship is what He asks for. What are you holding back that God wants you to leave and let go of?

2. You must choose to remain INTIMATE with God, so He can reveal His dreams and plans for you. Genesis 12:2 "Go to the land I will show you" (Jeremiah 29:11, Psalm 25:14, 1 Corinthians 2:9-10, Luke 1:34-37
  • The only way we can conceive God's dreams is to be intimate with Him. Intimacy begets life. It begins in your heart by spending one on one time with Him through prayer, reading, studying and obeying the Word, and having an attitude of worship. As you remain intimate with God, He will birth His dreams in your heart. The Holy Spirit will help walk you through the step by step process of fulfilling your destiny.

3. He longs to make you GREAT, so choose not to compromise
Genesis 12:2 "I will make you into a great nation" (Psalm 18:35, Genesis 13:10-12, Genesis 13:14-17)
  • Abraham decided to wait on the Lord and obey God's commands but Lot compromised and settled for what he thought was good. There are no shortcuts in the Kingdom of God. God is more concerned with your character than what you are "doing" for Him. The discipline of walking in accountability with others, doing the daily Christian habits, and remaining faithful in the mundane have far greater rewards in the long run than choosing shortcuts that seem "good" for the now. Good is the enemy of great. Do not settle for less.


4. God wants to BLESS you abundantly. Choose to be a blessing to others.
Genesis 12:3 "I will bless you and all the families on earth will be blessed through you" (John 10:10)
  • God desires for you to live out His dream and destiny for your life. Your dreams are always connected to other people's dreams and ultimately His Kingdom Business. It is good to desire God's dreams and blessings for yourself, but it is best to desire for God to use you to achieve His dreams for your church, for your local community and for the world.


What are your personal God-given dreams? Are there dreams and plans that God is showing you that will help build His church, help build your community and ultimately change the world. Choose to make Him Lord and obey Him. Remain intimate with Him. Stay away from compromise. He will bless you by fulfilling those dreams and make them come to pass.

Deuteronomy 30:19 - Today, I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. Now I call heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. CHOOSE LIFE so that you and your descendants might live. 

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

declare His glory #photoaday

The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they reveal knowledge. (Psalm 19:1-2) #instagramphotoaday

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Too much #photoaday

Too much of a good thing is wonderful. Good things like: hugs, kisses, chocolate & family time. Name some good things that you like and enjoy :)

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Bambam meets Bambam and loud music

Bambam meets Bambam.
and watching the sexy band director / conductor lead his band (i happen to be married to him).

Friday, March 9, 2012

when I thought I was a boy.

Me when I thought I was bada$$ & I thought I was a "boy". A complete rebel, I didn't care about anything or anyone, even myself. I fought with anyone who got in my way and refused to listen or care about anything.

I suspended from school coz i got into fights. 
I got kicked out of 6 schools. (yeah...6)
Never made it past junior year.
I drank or was high almost every night.
I ran away from home for months/years at a time.
I used the sexual abuse that happened to me as a reason to be angry at the world.
I slept around & got pregnant & was left to raise my baby by myself the day the father found out.

Then I met my Maker and fell completely in love. I met my King and could do nothing but worship. I met my Lord and was compelled to follow.

And after that my life was completely changed.... And everyday I am created into a new person conformed more and more into His image.

You can't tell me God isn't in the business of changing & transforming lives...coz He sure has changed my life completely. and 10 years after...i'm still very much in love with Him.

A complete 180 change can be done. You just gotta learn to surrender. You just gotta learn to let yourself fall in love with the Lover of your soul.

My testimony = His glory.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

it's time to make a difference once again. #humantrafficking

i've shared about human trafficking before. i've written about it here and here. and because of YOUR HELP and YOUR DONATIONS, my son became the highest fundraiser in all of orange country for Stop Child Trafficking Now a couple of years back. a 9 year old kid making a big difference to help end human trafficking. and it happened because of YOU!

it's time to make a difference once again.

tonight my husband, my son and i watched this video together as a family. my son, deeply disturbed with what he saw, told me that he was gonna pray for all the children in the video and do whatever he can to spread the word. i said i would do the same. 

so im doing what i know to do best - to get the word out there. im writing this post to ask you to please take the time to watch this video and do whatever you can to donate to this cause and help spread the word to put an end to this bad guy and help aid in the cause to stop human trafficking. check out invisible children's website. use your blog. use facebook. use twitter. use instagram. use pinterest. use tumblr. use youtube.

coz your voice. your tweet. your fb status. your donation counts.


because doing something about this is better than keeping silent and doing nothing.

*for more information on invisible' children's kony campaign click here*

"it is for Freedom He set us free" - Galatians 5:1

The devil in ice cream form.

Happiness in a tub.

Monday, March 5, 2012

Should I hide my plans?

"Should I hide my plan from Abraham?" the LORD asked. (Genesis 18:17)

I love how God decided to share His heart and plans to Abraham coz God thought of Abraham as a friend. He so loved Abraham that He decided to share things that were going to happen in the future to him.

I love how God still decides to share His heart and His plans to His children today. If you are His child, He still speaks, we just have to take time to be still and hear His voice.

He might just be desiring to tell you things that can help you or other people and other nations, just like Abraham interceded for Sodom. Or He might want to share His heart for you at the moment, refreshing you with His still small voice like Elijah. He might want to speak to you to give direction like when He spoke to Saul or Tarsus to go to a street called straight. Or He might want to speak His dreams for you, just like He did with Mary.

I pray that my ears and my heart will always remain tender to keep in tune with His voice. I pray that i have ears to hear Him in any situation and circumstance, in and through out whatever season of my life. I pray that His voice would always be louder than the noise of the world and shouts the enemy. I pray His voice of peace and truth would silence the lies and His truth will continually be in my heart.

"My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me." (John 10:27)