Wednesday, July 20, 2011

countdown: 22 days to hawaii and divorce.

countdown: 22 days to hawaii.

today i spent $1074.00 to ship my car out to the islands. i had to remind myself WHY i was moving 2500 miles away before i clicked "pay". that amount could have already been my dave ramsey emergency fund money!! 

i had to remind myself that obedience always has a price. sometimes the price is leaving loved ones... and sometimes it's a monetary price. im excited though, coz it means that God is going to have to provide miraculously for more finances to come in =]

today was also my parent's final court hearing for their divorce. i absolutely hate the word DIVORCE. this was my mom's second divorce... and you would think that because im 30+ years old, it wouldn't affect me that much.... but it did. you see, my parents' marriage was probably one of the most unhealthiest marriages ever. it was built on adultery, lies, abuse, manipulation, and pride from both sides of the party. but even in the chaos that was their marriage... it still represented family. my family. and it's in that family that partly shaped me to be who i am today. 

and today, that season "officialy" ends. divorce represents death. i once wrote about seeing beauty in death. today i am fighting hard to see the beauty in this...because no matter how ugly their marriage was and no matter how painful the memories were for us children growing up in a home that was extremely dysfunctional... divorce only means the end of a season in our lives and an end of a 21 year relationship and friendship.