Wednesday, April 27, 2011

my date.

Me and my lil went on a mini date today. We hung out at mall and did some window shopping and also a lil bit of shopping for him. He had a $25 gift card from gap & we were able to get him 3 shirts a pair of jeans all for $25. I love clearance section :) dave ramsey would be proud that I stretched the amount the gift card to buy that much!

Then we walked around the mall, checked out his fave store ever - game stop. Then we went to his 2nd fave store - the apple store. After that, we went to check out some manny pacquiao shirts and laker gears. Basically we drooled and lusted over things the whole time while were window shopping.

Then we went to check out the farmers market they had wednesday over at the mall's parking lot. Im abstaining from certain kinds of food the moment, so that was hard. But aside from resisting the urge too eat funnel cakes, peruvian food and kettle corn.... I had a great date. He is after all my favoritest person ever. :)


they had a "to write love on your wrist" day on FB.  i didnt really feel like posting this pic on there coz i've got a bunch of kids on there that are my friends...and i feel like my story that goes along with this picture is kinda pg13... so i decided to post this picture on here and my story to go along with it.

i drew a heart right next to one of my scars. a lot of my scars have lightened up in time but i still have a couple of prominent scars that remind me of my past.

i used to cut myself a lot when i was a teenager. because of the way the abuse (and everything else that came along with it) affected me, i seriously thought life wasn't worth living and i wanted so badly to end it. i had made several attempts to try to cut myself, jump off a bridge and freeways, drink poison, drink myself to death, etc. but each time i tried to do something, someone would be there to stop me. one of my cousins even punched me on my face and i was knocked out cold, just so he could grab the knife off of my hands. 

when i saw that trying to kill myself couldn't work... i just began to hurt myself instead. my heart and head had been so numb to any feelings or emotions that physically hurting myself was the only way i could ever "feel anything". so everytime i would feel the pain and see blood, i would get a rush. i used self mutilation as a coping mechanism to feel. to realize that i was still alive. mix that in with alcohol and drugs and i was a complete mess.

one day, after my failed attempt to jump off a freeway (coz one of the construction workers stopped me) i drank till i was drunk and broke those bottles and used each one to wound my arms. my family came home and saw me on the floor, my arms and face covered with blood. i sat there with a sinister smile on my face. i was so high and drunk and numb that i couldn't feel anything. my papa wanted to bring me to a mental institution... my mama and my sisters cried and prayed.

talk about being messed up.

i look back now and i see divine intervention written all over those times. God was chasing me down, even when i thought that my life was worthless. He made sure that there were always people there to stop me from taking my life. 

i absolutely love my life now and i think i am beyond blessed in every way. but every time i look at my wrists i see the scars there. 
  • scars that remind me of how i used to be. 
  • scars that remind me of the pain i once felt and the life He rescued me from. 
  • scars that remind me that there are other girls and boys in the world that are probably feeling the same emotions i used to feel. 
  • scars that remind me that my purpose in life is to be a source of love and life to others, to be a source of healing for the scars on their arms and scars on their hearts.
scars fade and heal in time... but the lessons learned with the pain of those scars never do. i wrote a heart on my wrist because each time i see those scars i am reminded of how loved i am and how God went through great extents to save me. now, i must go and be that voice of love for others as well.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

mojos & girlfriends.

Today, I went to the ONE fundraiser and ate some gooooooood fried chicken and yummy fried mojos. I hope helping the next generation sanctified the food coz I ate a LOT! To balance it out, I had some salad too.

Then, it was small group time. All the ladies in this group (mia: cecile & carol) have been a source of hope, joy, encouragement, and life. They kept me strong and prayed for me when I was at my lowest point and they cheered me on at my highest. I love each one of these ladies with all my heat. (i meant heart....stupid autocorrect LOL).
I'm so glad to have been able to combine my 2 small groups into one.... Coz when I leave, I know that this group will still continue to grow & flourish. 

(missing are women who were part of the small group and those that have been part of the group but moved on to further advance God's kingdom: angela, anna, tina, amanda, ella, joanie, jenny & even berenz & ana).

To all these women, I am forever grateful each and every one of you.

Friday, April 22, 2011


He was forsaken, rejected, broken, scorned, pained, and bruised.

Thank you Jesus for taking my place. I am forever grateful.

Thursday, April 21, 2011


"i feel so nekked and vulnerable. my crazy master shaved off my hair again. ugh! she's such a hater! its probably coz my bad hair day looks better than any of her good hair days. she seriously needs a life... or probably a boyfriend or something... anything to help this crazy woman stop taking her frustrations out on my hair." - bambam

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

purp and yellow!

Reppin the purp and yellow while watching the game. #playoffs

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

faith for greater things.

to fly and move my family (me, my son and my dog) to hawaii and do missionary work there for God means i must have faith in God to be able to provide for some $$$ to fly there and live out there.

today i got my doggy checked. this is just for the dog's doctor fees ALONE! this decision is already stretching my faith like craaaaaazy.

oh my.

during our "living room" smallgroup, we were talking about having faith for the greater things and what obstacles we've had to endure to believe God for great things. well.... this move im gonna make is extremely huge and its totally working out my faith muscles as well as my heart muscles...coz the thought of being far away from my family is heartbreaking.

funny thing is, He first called me to move from the philippines to la (and we all know the cost of living in LA is pricey)..... Now He's asking me to move from la to hawaii where its even more expensive.. God sure has a great sense of humor.

God is going to have to provide above and beyond measure coz shooooooot, its hella pricey to fly out there and its even more pricey to live out there.

the thing is, i believe He is beyond able. i know He can... after all He owns the cattle on a thousand hills... so i know He can and will provide for me and my son and my dog. if He wills and if He calls, He will provide. whether its serving in a hut somewhere in south africa, the busy freeways of LA or in the crowded streets of calcutta or in the islands of hawaii.

faith for the greater things requires me believing for bigger and more seemingly impossible things. you know the things that seem impossible for man to achieve.

i know God sees this situation and doesn't see impossible. instead He says "IM possible". coz all things are possible for him or her who believes.


His Blood, His precious blood 
has set me free.
free from 
the curse of death has passed over me.
because of His Blood.

His Blood.
it was the price that was paid.
to redeem my life from the pit.
to save my soul from hell.
to make me right with God.

when God sees me.
He sees the Blood.
the Blood of the slain Lamb.
it drenches me.
covers me.
protects me.
washes over me.
rains down on me.

because of His Blood i am...
made whole.

it's all because of His Blood.
may i never forget.
in times of need and when i fret.
it's nothing but the Blood.
the Blood of my Christ.

The blood will be a sign for you on the houses where you are, and when I see the blood, I will pass over you. No destructive plague will touch you when I strike. exodus 12:13

you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your ancestors, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect. 1 Peter 1:18-19

happy passover.

Monday, April 18, 2011

art and gossip

My friend elaine drawing a picture of my sister while my sister is watching gossip girl :) love it!!!

Sunday, April 17, 2011

redeeming love

This book is too much for me. Its got me on an emotional rollercoaster. Im smiling, then im crying. Its terrible (but oh so good)! Oh michael hosea (jesus)... I love being your beloved! yeah i know, so freakin' cheesy. but whatev.

Saturday, April 16, 2011


His first cannonball for 2011 :) let the swimming season begin!

Friday, April 15, 2011

happy friday.

free sephora lipglosses.

playing ninjago with my son.
hanging out at starbucks and seeing my son overjoyed coz his grandma (from his fathers side) chatted with him on FB for the 1st time in almost 11 years (praise God coz He is into working miracles)

and hanging out with my 4 legged son.

My friday = happy.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

1st missionary supporter

I came home from hawaii last night after being gone for 8 days. I told my son everything that happened and showed him pics of everyone I met. Then I told him that I really believe that God is calling us to be "missionaries" to hawaii (I don't know if its just for a season or seasons) and that we'd have to pray to raise the financial support in order to go.

He then ran up to his room, went down and handed me this envelope. :) I opened it and inside was $1. He said he was gonna support me if this is what God wants. I just received my first ministry support donation!

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

hawaii day 8 - big guns and my heart.

so before we headed out for the airport, we passed by this store that sells airsoft guns and we wanted to pass by to take pics to bribe my son and get him excited to move to hawaii. i couldn't help but take a picture with this big gun. =]

theodore roosevelt once said: "Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far." 

even better, yosemite sam said: "Oh yeah!? Well, I speak loud! And I carry a bigger stick!! And I use it too! .."

but al capone said it best when he said: "You can get a lot farther with a kind word and a gun than a kind word alone."

i carry a big gun - in the natural and in the spirit. my ammunition is the Word of God and im not afraid to use it.

after a 5 hour flight with me being super gassy coz of the garlic chicken i ate... and getting all cougarish while waiting for my bag in the airport (see here and here) i finally got home to the love of my life. =] it's nice to finally be home...

...but i do know that i left my heart back in hawaii. the land, the people, the church, the islands somehow grabbed a hold of my heart and didn't let it go. now God has to provide a way for me to go back and get it. He spoke a word of promise in my heart and i know only He can make a way to fulfill this promise. all i have to do now is BELIEVE and act watch Him do the work.

blessed is she who BELIEVED that the Lord would fulfill His promises to her.  (luke 1:45)

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

hawaii day 7 - favorites.

the pataos are one of my favoritest people in the word. i consider sami to be my sister coz she grew up with us. anytime people ask her who she is, i always say she is my sister. or cousin. because i beleive that we are...even though it's not by blood. and dane is...well he's a lot like me... too much like me... so how can i not love him? 

they are also a product of p-harmony (my matchmaking business). today i got to hang out with them and just be. they were also able to meet some people at church as well. i also got the privilege to meet my lil niece - tala (her name means star in filipino).

my baby tala cheking out her mama's ring. i always quote the proverb "train up a child in the way they should go and when they are old they will not depart from it"... training tala at such a young age to know that "diamonds are a girls best friend" =]

Monday, April 11, 2011

hawaii day 6 - the sinker.

the other day...i had mentioned that my heart was falling in love with hawaii. it was grabbing a hold of my heart hook, line... and i was just waiting for a sinker. today i got my sinker. 

i spent some alone time on the beach with God, just basking in the beauty of His creation. as i spent time in His presence and in His Word, i knew for sure that He was calling me forth. calling me to leave my people, my family, my church, my friends, my life in LA and everything i've known for the past 8 years and go to a people i know not. He spoke to my heart through the book of ruth. He sure knows how to pull on my heart strings coz ruth is my favorite book in the bible and He knows how personal this book is to me.

Dont urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God." Ruth 1:16

"I've been told all about what you have you left your father and mother and your homeland and came to live with a people you did not know before. May the LORD repay you for what you have done. May you be richly rewarded by the LORD, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge." ruth 2:11-12

"And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life." -  Matthew 19:29 

He doesn't promise that it will be easy, but He promises to be with me every step of the way. so i will trust Him with my whole heart, coz i know that He will never leave me nor forsake me. im jumping out of the boat and stepping into the waters of hawaii, running wholeheartedly with the vision He has given me to "give glory to the LORD and proclaim His praise in the islands." - isaiah 42:12

Sunday, April 10, 2011

hawaii day 5 - lei'd.

it was such a great privilege to be able to share my testimony at church and encourage them with a timely word called "all hands on deck". the people here have such great personalities and beautiful hearts. 

 it doesnt matter what church i go to, i always sit in the back row.

lunch with some church folks.

got lei'd in hawaii. =] 

Saturday, April 9, 2011

hawaii day 4 - carwash and younglife

had to rock the venti black coffee w/ a shot of espresso and a touch of cream before the carwash. 

at the carwash. uncle lloyd put me to work right away ;) ha! the church did this to help raise funds to pay for  an outreach activity that they had and to my ticket out here. WOW. i am so humbled and grateful for what they did. im used to seeing bigger churches have "money" to fly their guests in. this small church had to work as a family to be able to raise funds to fly me in.  it was hard work and i dont take it for granted.

after the carwash, a few of us went and grabbed some shaved ice. it was just what the doctor ordered after working hard cleaning those cars. nomnomnom

then i hung out with the murata family and they brought me to a young life fundraiser dinner at some fancy shi-shi home in hawaii. i got to meet different people from other churches. i also had the privilege to listen to the testimonies of children from different highschools share what Jesus has done in and through their lives with the help of this organization.

i gotta say... from seeing a church family work hard at a carwash to listening to the youth proclaim God's praises during dinner, this day made me fall in love with hawaii and her people even more. 



now im just waiting for a sinker.

Friday, April 8, 2011

hawaii day 3 - nothing done without.

there is NOTHING done without prayers.
so pray.
ready your nets.
and catch the fish.
the harvest is plenty.

thankful that i got to see friends who have prayed and believed for this hawaii trip to happen. and i got to hang out with them in paradise =]

without praying friends, i don't know where i would be.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

hawaii day 2 - 49ers, old and new

today, i asked uncle lloyd to take me to a hole in the wall, non touristy place to eat... and he brought me to the forty niner restaurant... and ohmyword... it was probably the best meal i've had so far during my trip. seriously some delish' fatty grubbin. i absolutely LOVED it.

then we went to hang out the whole afternoon at the manamtam's house, where i got to skype with a dear old friend and sister who lives in maui and see her baby via skype. i cannot wait to see her and give the baby a super hug.

then my son also got to "meet" and skype with a new friend timothy. they skyped for almost an hour and talked about guns, legos, ninjagos, pokemons and even more guns.

after that, it was my turn to get to know a great new friend that night. i had a really wonderful, heartfelt coffee conversation with auntie annie, as we took the time to share our hearts and get to know each other. i know this woman is gonna be in my life for a long time and im blessed to be able to know someone like her.

hooray to keeping old friends and making new ones.