Thursday, March 31, 2011

my first fanmail.

from my biggest fan: the kiddo.
toldja... jesus loves you but im His favorite...
coz He gave me the best kid ever!

Wednesday, March 30, 2011


Tuesday, March 29, 2011

drab to fab.

trust me when i say that my hair is hard to work with. it's thick and wavy (i had just "straightened" my hair this morning). every time i go to the salon, they always say how stubborn my hair is. but look at what berenz was able to do with my hair...... 


queen bee hooked me up with fabulous hair! my hair went from drab to fab! she does make-overs, make-unders, cut, dry, style, make-up, color, highlights, in other words EVERYTHING. she's a licensed cosmetologist who studied at aveda. so if ever you wanna get your hurr did or get make up done, contact berenz  at

Monday, March 28, 2011

bully, baby and blessings.

today, my son got bullied for the 1st time. as an ex-bully... that was hard to watch. some brat (see kid in far left wearing green... yeah that kid) took his basketball away, told my son they could play, but when the lil fatso child... tried to dribble the ball, my ninja stole the ball away to try and make a shot. lil-michelin-man-child took it personally and punched my son in the arm then took off as fast as he could even before christian could react.

i sat there, pretending not to see what happened. it took EVERYTHING inside of me not to run after him and teach mr. bully a thing or two (or four) about what a punch is supposed to feel like. the she-hulk in me wanted to run up to that child and give him a good whoopin'.

as me and my son walked home...i asked him why he didn't fight back...and he said he wanted to, but it took self control for him not to. if the kid punched him again tho, he wouldn't have backed out. i then proceeded to tell him about how his mom was an ex-bully. how i got suspended every year since i was in 2nd grade coz I got into fights. how those fights caused me to lose all self control and caused me to hurt people i love and get kicked out of schools. i told him about my battle with rage and self control. then i told him how proud i was of him for having self control and for being the bigger man in the situation (even if the other kid was probably well over 100lbs).

when we got home, we had no idea what God had in store for us both. my brother in law looked through his things and found his old lego pieces. he gave them to my son today and christian was so happy. he's been bugging me to buy him "lego people" and ninjagos for a few months now. he got ninjagos from his grandma last saturday and today, he got the lego people as well :) and it's now a 'family heirloom' coz these pieces are over 20 years old!

then an angel (or two) passed by our place to surprise me with a wonderful gift - a netbook :) yay! it's perfect coz it's so compact (only 2.4lbs) and i can take it to hawaii with me and skype with my son! whoomp-whoomp!

plus, i also found out that while i'll be in hawaii, my adopted sister will be visiting oahu from maui at the same time I'm there and she'll be bringing her baby tala and the boonsa with her!! yay! i finally get to meet my lil neice - i call her my stariray!

even if the enemy tried to bully us today, He sho can't rain on this parade. it's hard to contend with God's favorites. ;)

Sunday, March 27, 2011


Saturday, March 26, 2011

friends, food, fun.

Game night with girlfriends :) intense!

Friday, March 25, 2011


earlier today (around lunch time)... i was thinking to myself "i don't have a fun black clutch...the only clutch bag i have is too formal looking." why i was thinking of a clutch bag while eating lunch... i have no idea. maybe i'm more girly than i thought i was. O_o

anywhooo, at 9:30pm my sister told me she bought me something... and she got me a fun-studded-black clutch bag (made by converse). yay!!! it's not too formal looking but it's not ghettofied either. :) **i found out that she bought this bag at the very same time I was eating lunch, which was about 1:30**

God answered my momentary desire, without me really asking or even praying about it! i love mini-miracles like these. :) thank you God and thank you to my sister for thinking about me! i love u and i love the bag!

Thursday, March 24, 2011

giving birth to dreams - it's time to push.

this blog has been void of meaningful words recently, not because i don't have anything to share or nothing good to say... in fact it's the extreme opposite of that. it almost feels like my heart has overflowed with extreme gratitude towards God and His people that i am at a loss for words... and if you know me, you know that's very rare ;) 

three years ago i wrote a post called "pregnant with dreams." i recently read my old posts again, and was left amazed at this beautiful and adventurous journey that God has and is brining me through. 

less than 2 months ago, i went on a a 21 day journey of dying to self  and so much has happened since then (in my previous post, i compared it to a roller coaster ride). i told God that if He really wanted me to go to hawaii, that He would have to open doors and provide coz He knows i surely can't afford it. and ofcourse, my Father made a way for it to happen.

God has blessed me with a ticket to fly out to hawaii to be able to get a free vacation and scout the land and check out the "possibilities". but i also have the opportunity to share my testimony at the church im visiting there. that thought alone has got me so elated. because im seeing my dreams unfold right before my very eyes.

a few years ago, these dreams seemed impossible to obtain and even so far-fetched to accomplish.  there were times when i thought i was just me making things up in my head. then there were the hard circumstances that happened along the way that caused me to question God's promises. i can so relate to the scripture that said "david strengthened himself in the Lord his God" [1sam30:6] because there were days when all i could do was worship God with tears and preached myself happy by speaking God's word over myself and my son.

despite all the pain and trials and years of waiting... He has proven Himself to be faithful time and time again. i had nothing to do with this trip to hawaii nor did i never see this coming. i really think it's God's way of showing off His miracle working powers to remind me and others around me that "all things are possible to those who believe[mark9:23]. it doesn't matter if circumstances aren't going your way. it doesn't matter how impossible things seem to be. it doesn't matter if everything you know is going against you and you feel like you're hard-pressed at every side. if God wills it... He will make a way for it to happen, sometimes it just takes time, but He will make it happen. 

just like pregnancy takes time and pain and discomfort in order to bring life to another person. i chose not to abort the dream and i will continue to choose to carry it out full term. the 9 months [yeeaars] of waiting and preparation for things to be formed in the inside of me is absolutely necessary in order for me to know when the proper time it will be to push this baby out.

i've been pregnant for a really long time... and now the waters have broken and He's telling me it's time to deliver. i know deliveries can get messy and hard and painful, but i also know that now is not the time to give up. in fact, its actually the time to find the proper position in order to give birth to the dream and share life and His love to other people.

my soul is screaming and pushing and giving it all it's got. let's do this God.

ofcourse i am going to hawaii armed and prepared ;) 
i got myself an el-cheapo underwater camera cover! yay!

Wednesday, March 23, 2011


Monday, March 21, 2011

are you afraid?

this is MY nightlight. yes you read that right... not my son's but mine. i'm not afraid of the dark... i just prefer sleep with the light on ;)

my sister bought this for me. she says the 'rex' character from toy story is perfect coz rex is a huge dinosaur who looks fierce on the outside but in reality, he is a scaredy cat who tends to doubt himself and is often fearful/worried about many things.

though not a fearful being, i can somehow relate to this lizard, especially when a push comes to a shove and things are unsure (exactly like my situation now).

on days where things don't look right and nothing seems to be going my way... on days when times are hard and it seems like God has forgotten, my mind will start to worry and fear begins to creep in. the 'what ifs' set in and the process of doubting one's self as well doubting if i really did hear the voice of God begins.

though not as bad as the rex-syndrome, i too, like him, have worries. worries like:
  • uncertainty.
  • the unknown.
  • lack (especially in finances).
  • being put to shame.
  • safety.
  • making a mistake
i realized though that if not treated right away... those worries give birth to fear. i'm thankful that the Word reassures me that even in the midst of situations like that, He says that "perfect love casts out fear." when i spend time in His presence and dwell in His love, fear is washed away.

the bible reminds me to replace fear with faith and replace doubt with believing because He loves me and He promises to stay true to His Word. it is my choice to believe and do what the bible says or give into my emotions or circumstances. 

and i am resolved to speak His Promises over me, no matter what situation.

so when i find myself having a 'rex-anxious-moment' i just repeat one of rex's lines in the movie and say: "Buzz (Patricia), you could have defeated Zurg (worries, fears) all along! You just got to believe in yourself (and God)".

so I'm choosing and fighting to believe and not be afraid, even when things are hard and the future is uncertain and unsure... because i serve an amazing God who still performs miracles and does the impossible today and i have faith that He will come through for me.

*this doesn't change anything though...i will still sleep with this night light on ;)

Sunday, March 20, 2011


from left to right: the king. haman. mordecai. esther.

made my the kids @ kidz praise ages 9-12

Saturday, March 19, 2011

one up.

spent this cozy saturday with my sis, my friend sheeba and kimiya.  we sat over breakfast sharing our hearts about what God is doing in our lives and encouraged each other. then we went on to play a game of sequence but added a lil twist. before each person took a turn, we had to speak a positive declaration for each other and those we love. i never thought playing boardgames and doing prophetic intercession could go hand in hand... =]

after that, i spent that afternoon hanging out with my son watching yogi bear at a $3 theater. =] i enjoyed hearing him laugh at yogi being silly.  he's my favorite date partner ;)

Friday, March 18, 2011

on my own.

 this is my favorite les miserables song =]

this is as sentimental as i will ever get when it comes to being "alone" i hardly ever get moments where i feel lonely or alone, but when i do, i listen to this song, i sing along with it and after i feel so much better because i realize only I (and Jesus) can love my singing voice. =] even my son hated my lullabies! ha!

(lea salonga as listen to the song click here)

And now Im all alone again
no where to turn no one to go to
Without a home without a friend without a face to say hello to
And now the night is near
now I can make believe hes here

Sometimes I walk alone at night when everybody
else is sleeping
I think of him and then I'm happy with
the company I'm keeping
The city goes to bed
And I can live inside my head

On my own,
Pretending he's beside me,
All alone, I walk with him till morning.
Without him, I feel his arms around me,
And when I lose my way, I close my eyes,
And he has found me...

In the rain,
The pavement shines like silver,
All the lights are misty in the river,
In the darkness the trees are full of starlight,
And all I see is him and me,
Forever and forever...

And I know it's only in my mind,
That I'm talking to myself and not to him,
And although I know that he is blind,
Still I say, there's a way for us...

I love him,
But when the night is over,
He is gone, the river's just a river
Without him the world around me changes,
The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers.

I love him,
But everyday I'm learning,
All my life,
I've only been pretending,
Without me,
His world will go on turning,
A world that's full of happiness,
That I have never known...

I love him... I love him...
I love him... But only on my own... 

Thursday, March 17, 2011

i love my boys.

It's their last night together. My godsons go back to chicago tomorrow and I dunno when I will get to see them again. *sigh*

Wednesday, March 16, 2011



Tuesday, March 15, 2011

elevator and water

all sorts of adventure today. first, I was at a doctor's clinic when the power went out. As I passed by the elevator, I heard a woman screaming for help. I tried my best to talk to her and calm her down. her name was carol and she was 81 years old. I stood there for over 30 minutes trying to keep her calm. Then the fire department came and forced the elevator open so they could let her out. :)

After that whole adventure, I went home to find that the pool was overflowing and it was flowing to our garden... so we had to figure out why it was happening then we had to clean the water out.

even through all these mini-adventures.. I still took the time to enjoy the view coz the birds of paradise were in bloom and they looked sooo purty :)

then as I was watching zoolander while folding my laundry, I found out that nate dogg passed away. Oy vey.

"Hold up...heeeeey..." RIP nate dogg.

Monday, March 14, 2011

watching the game.

this is how we looked like while watching the game. my son took a pic of us chillin' on the couch. :) yes my brother in law's feet were right by my face. #fail but yay for laker win (against the magic)! 

and yay for new jeans that my sister bought for my son! he loves his godmama.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

twins and kuya

reunited. :)

Saturday, March 12, 2011

family reunion

related by blood.
added onto by law.
strengthened by friendship.
i love family reunions.
food. fun. karaoke. stories. sarcasm. alcohol. and lots of laughter.
our family knows how to par-taaaaaay.
this weekend was probably one of the best weekends i've had in a really long time.
im so thankful for family.

Friday, March 11, 2011

garret popcorn and cadillac margarita.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

family, food and 8.9 earthquake

This day started off as a great day. My family came in from chicago and we were in the middle of eating lots of yummy food and engaging in reminiscing and laughter....

then I checked my twitter and saw the breaking news tweets about the japan earthquake and the tsunami that followed right after. we all watched in horror and disbelief as we saw the tsunami destroy houses and swallow up cars and people right before our eyes.

so very heartbreaking :( praying for the land of the rising sun and her people.