Tuesday, January 18, 2011

troubled.

day 10:  right now my heart is troubled and anxious. and im trying hard to fight the battle in my mind to not let my circumstances get the best of me. the weight i carry everyday can sometimes get overwhelmingly hard. today is one of those days. i fight stress and push to stay joyful, despite the circumstance i am in.

no matter where i've faced and what i've tried to do, i've been caught between a rock and hard place. and the only way i will ever get to move forward and leave this place of pressure is if God brings a miracle my way.  it's the same miracle that i've been praying for for about 8 years now. THE. SAME. PRAYER. REQUEST. FOR. EIGHT. YEARS. it's also the same miracle that He hasn't chosen to answer. just yet.

He could so easily take me out of my circumstance. yet  He chooses not to. instead of giving me easy answers, He tells me "my peace i give to you... do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid" [john 14:27].

on normal days i would totally run to the fridge and stuff myself with whatever sweet thing i could find when i find myself stressed. food is my go-to-god. but since im in the middle of doing a prolonged #die2self fast, i have no choice but to teach my heart to lean on Him. imagine that. He commands me that i shouldn't let my heart be afraid and troubled....

  • even if i make minimum wage and struggle every month on how to pay my monthly bills w/o any child support.
  • even if i cannot find a room/ place that will allow me and my son and my dog to move in with the price i can afford.
  • even if the stress of being a single-full-time-working-home-schooling-parent is heavy and a difficult load to carry.
  • even if i have no medical insurance/ / dental insurance and my wisdom tooth is causing me pain that's kicking my face.
  • even if there is no security at all with my current situation in life.
  • even if there seems to be NO WAY that my dream will come true at this point in my life.

He says there is no reason for me to worry, be afraid or be troubled. Instead He just wants to lavish His peace on me and asks me to believe. to believe and to always be full of joy in the Lord. let everyone see that i am considerate in all i do. do not worry about anything; instead pray about everything. tell God what i need, and thank Him for all He has done. then i will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard my heart and mind as i live in Christ Jesus. [phil4:4-7]

so on my tenth day of #die2self i choose to rejoice and give thanks. even if everything in me is screaming otherwise. i will fight off worry and anxiousness and choose to pray to Him and tell Him everything i need. i so badly need His peace. so im trusting in the One who sees and knows my end from my beginning  and im choosing to praise because the pathway to receiving His peace is thanking and trusting.

how do you deal with stress and worry?