Monday, January 31, 2011

dream until...

...your dreams come true.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

end and beginning.

today is my last day of #die2self. i spent the past 21 days humbling myself before God and asking Him for divine direction, revelation and seeking to be more intimate with Him. i emptied myself of my wants, my desires and asked Him to fill me up. i decided to eat nothing and die to my food addiction. i had juice and liquids to sustain me and His Word & Spirit to fill me up. the best thing about all this is, His grace brought me through and i didnt really even get super hungry or sick even if i hadn't eaten anything for 21 days. that is God's miracle working power!

i had NO IDEA that i was in for a big surprise. these past 21 days have been a crazy, whirlwind adventure and the story is going to unfold more and more these next few weeks on the bloggity. i know that this is just the beginning of the next season God has for me and my son's life, and im thankful that i was obedient to hear His call to fast and to pray. [if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves, pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land.- 2Chron7:14]

i end my 21 days of prayer today, but i know this is just the beginning of  another chapter He is writing in the story of my life. these past 3 weeks, there was healing that took place. there was breakthrough that took place. there were open doors presented to me that i thought would never open. there was a revelation of an even deeper work of healing and restoration that God has been and will continue to do in my life and in my family's life as well that i know must happen before i write my book. there were answers to prayers i had prayed for years and years that i know would probably never have gotten breakthrough if i didn't go through this #die2self journey. [daniel10:12-14]

i would like to say thank you to those of you that have prayed for me and with me during these past few weeks. your prayers have touched the heart of God. i probably would not have been able to walk this out without your prayer covering. im so very grateful and i dont take your prayers for granted.

this 2011 - God asked me to believe. i had no clue that He would ask me to believe for nearly impossible things to happen for this next season of my life, even before i see the outcome of it. i approach this next season with utmost humility embraced with the fear of the Lord. i choose to not take lightly everything that was revealed to me these past 3 weeks. it's gonna be scary. a lot of things are unsure and up in the air. it's going to take me making decisions that a lot of people will not understand. but i know God has said it, so that settles it and i have no choice but to believe it.

the beautiful thing about this dying to self journey, is He promised that if we die to ourselves, we will live with Him. and im excited to be able to walk out this next season of my life knowing that He is going before me, He is preparing the path i am supposed to take, He surrounds me with favor as a shield, He is my Provider, and He will be my rear guard.

 pictures of the day:
 i swear this dog is a lil divo (a male diva).
he loves being tucked in while sleeping.
i find it really amusing.

my sister living our her #oneword.
she's choosing to get in touch with her artistic side.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

knightly and son.

Day 20: my son playing with a german shepherd named knightly. this dog is HUGE! and he's so beautiful!

spent the day today with a woman who has amazing faith. what was just supposed to be a 'breakfast date' ended up being a whole day get together as we talked about God's faithfulness and common interests in life. she's a mighty prayer warrior with a strong prophetic bent and is so filled with wisdom and knowledge and yet she's so 'real' and authentic that i felt safe to just be me and share my heart. (I'm realizing more and more that it's not a common to meet people who are like that.)

i'm glad I spent my 2nd to the last day of my #die2self with her. she made me yummy shakes too! can you believe tomorrow is my last day??? i cannot wait to EAT! ;) my brother in law is making some pot roast. mmmmmm.

till next time. xoxo.

Friday, January 28, 2011

i found my valentine.

He always listens.
He is never late.
He smells good.
He doesn't watch too much TV.
He is always there for you.
i am captivated by His love.

"My lover is mine and I am His. His banner over me is love." songs of solomon

Thursday, January 27, 2011

homeschooled child, pencils and a test.

Day18: me and my son having a lil fun with the camera :) i love him so very much! he brings so much joy to my life. he is the best blessing God has given me and he is my greatest and #1 ministry. I'm so blessed that God would entrust this world changer's life into my hands for me to raise. anywhoo, my lil man asked me to post the picture of this pencil he sharpened during school today so I can show all my friends.... [he's homeschooled so he is in need of social attention, everyone reading this, please leave him a comment and say hello ;) *joke*]

by the way, I went to dmv today [I was so bored waiting that I broke my twitter break and tweeted about it]... In case any of you were wondering...I passed the renewal test. YAY!

that's my day 18 of #die2self. well actually not.... there's a BIG possibility of change coming very soon... but i promised i wouldn't blog about it till I got done with my prayer/fast and I get clear direction from God... So please keep on praying for this sista coz I need all the help I can get. I really appreciate it.

hasta manana mi amigos.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

open and shut.

Day 17: continuing to pray that God would open doors to wherever He is leading me to for this next season of my life and that He would shut the doors that don't fall in alignment to His will.

There is no better place to be than in the center of His perfect will.

"This is the message from the one who is holy and true, the one who has the key of David. What he opens, no one can close; and what he closes, no one can open: I know all the things you do, and I have opened a door for you that no one can close. You have little strength, yet you obeyed my word and did not deny me." - revelation 3:7-8

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

desperate much?

our smallgroup. so blessed to be able to be surrounded by great women of faith.

Day:16 - Hannah (1Samuel 1: 1-20)

Hannah was so heartbroken and desperate because God wasn’t answering the desires of her heart. Her husband had another wife who bore him lots of children and yet Hannah was barren. Even though she had a husband who loved her (1 samuel 1:5), there was still a longing and a desire in her heart and a promise that was divinely put inside of her. Here's a few lessons I gleaned from reading this chapter.
  • Just because other people are fruitful and you aren’t doesn’t mean that God has forgotten about you. (1 Sam1:4) 
  • The enemy will use any way he can to taunt you and provoke you to lose faith in the midst of trials (1 Sam 1:6-7) 
  • Brokenness and barrenness creates a desperation in you and it will either drive you away from God or drive you closer to His heart and cause you to pray. (1Sam1:7) 
  • Don’t overlook the blessings God has given you during the time of desperation and barrenness. (1Sam1:8) 
  • Pray and speak His will over your prayers (1 Sam 1:10-12) 
  • Not everyone you meet will understand what you’re going through.. surround yourself with people that do. (1Sam1:12) 
  • Speak His peace in your hearts and don’t let your problem / worries dictate your life. (1 Samuel 1:17-18) 
  • Arise and do what needs to be done until you see the fruition of your prayer (1Samuel 1:19-20)  
Jim Laffoon said:  “I have found God uses the desperation of His people to bring them to the place they need to be– in order to raise what He has called them to birth.

Do you have a desire so deep in your heart that you long for God to answer? God is the same yesterday, today and forever and if He was able give Hannah the godly desire of her heart, our Father will give it to us as well. Keep on praying and believing till He comes through for you.

Monday, January 24, 2011


day 15: watching my son eat pho was torture. 
but at least i got to have some good tastin' clear broth. 

Sunday, January 23, 2011

1.23.11 sunday funday

day14. my sunday: great time at church. met a 71 year old missionary and asked him to pray for me. my son drove this gator around. lil man has a need for speed. and ofcourse my doggie posing for the camera. had a great day today! what a wonderful mini-vacation with friends.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

perfect day.

day13: road trip with gretchen and ruby and christian and bambam ;) we went to visit jerry and angela at visalia. today we ended up going to sequoia national park and @jenmayzie also went with us. here are some pictures I took on my phone.

2nd pic: check out how high the snow was... it almost covered the stop sign.

3rd pic: christian with the sled (pic from @jenmayzie). sledding was so much fun! God blessed me with holy energy and vitality coz I was going up and down that hill sledding like a child even if I was on my 13th day of #die2self :)

4th-10th pic: the largest tree on earth is 'the general sherman' and is found in sequoia park. they say it's estimated to be 2,200 years old. (this was alive before Jesus walked the earth ya'll)... here are several pics of us beside the tree and yes, i stepped over the fence and touched the tree. (I couldn't help it...) And also more pics of us walking around the trail. everything was beautiful. God is the Master Artist and every where I looked, I was in awe of His Majesty and His ability to create the world just so I (and you) could live in it and enjoy it to the fullest (john10:10).

11th pic: the majestic pink sky that God painted for us. He was obviously showing off by this point.

12th pic: my son gave me this napkin and wrote me a love note on it :) the perfect way to end a perfect day!

will upload better pics as soon as I get my hands on a computer.

"i will meditate on the glorious splendor of Your majesty and on Your wondrous works." [Ps145:5]

Friday, January 21, 2011

get thee behind me.

day 12: all these sweet stuff in front of me. aaarghh... get the behind me devil (in sugar form)!
9 more days. God give me the grace!!!

Thursday, January 20, 2011

when i grow up.

before you became jaded. before you were hurt by others, slapped by reality, confused by experiences, disheartened by dead dreams..... what did you want to be?

When i grow up i want to be.....

i wrote this post last year... but thought to repost it again... mostly to remind myself that i've had the exact same dream growing in me for the past 8 years... and though it's been a hard labor to give birth to it... i know that this is exactly what God wants me to do. because each year my passion for this dream grows even more and more.

i had a BBM/FB conversation with a couple of friends today (jen and raquel) that reminded me why i love encouraging others to dream big as well. my other friend prudence also posted this very same question on her blog. so it seems very fitting to repost this throwback blogpost and ask you the same questions:

"if you could be anything, without exception what would you be?
if you could do anything, without fear of failure what would you do
what dream is wiggling around in your heart. mind. soul?
and are you taking steps?"

before you became jaded. before you were hurt by others, slapped by reality, confused by experiences, disheartened by dead dreams..... what did you want to be? now that you're grown? do you still have the same dream? if not, what is your dream and what's stopping you from going after it? and if you are living your dream.... give the rest of us some advice on how to go after it.

i go first...

when i was: six, i wanted to be a heart surgeon. when i was 13, a flight attendant, when i was 18 i wanted to run after my grandfather's foot steps and go into politics.

when i grow up: i want to be the best mother i can be. i desire to work in ministry, counsel the hurt, the abused, the broken & encourage His Bride and lead them to the heart of Christ. i want to preach & teach God's Word and author books. 

whats stopping me: reality. having to work in an office as my day job to make ends meet as a single mother. also embracing the season that i am in (my time has not yet come)... but still believing that one day my reality and my dreams will collide because He says to ask and i shall receive and my JOY will be complete. [john 16:24]

what about you? what do you want to be when you grow up?


this is as artsy fartsy as i will get with my #project365 :)

I actually don't know how to sew. AT ALL. But it is something that I would like to learn... Well actually NOT ;) but I know I need to learn it coz my son always seems to have holes on his clothes.

name one thing that you don't know how to do, but you would want to (or probably need to) learn to do.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

dark night, little light.

my sister gave me this picture card and told me that this reminds her of me. the quote says "even from a dark night, songs of beauty can be born"

i've had to face many dark nights... nights that were so painful and heartbreaking. nights when i felt so abandoned, confused, lost and sad. i have no one to share those dark nights with, except my faithful pillow that carries the weight of my tears as i cry myself to sleep.

but those dark nights have also caused my heart to sing beautiful songs of worship to my King, even in the midst of the crucible of pain.

there are so many songs and stories about how He has turned my ashes into beauty and my tears into joy that the world has yet to hear.

one day the world will hear of these songs and stories. 

but till then, i continue to trust Him and sit through the night and continue to sing the songs of His beauty. i will wait patiently till my dawn comes... because i know when the Son causes me to shine... this light of mine will illuminate a LOT of people's hearts and pave the way for them to know His everlasting love and the power of His Spirit. 

have you found your song that God has composed in your heart during the night seasons of your life?

"my heart instructs me in the night seasons." [ps 16:7]

"the path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining brighter until the full light of day" [prov4:18]

Tuesday, January 18, 2011


day 10:  right now my heart is troubled and anxious. and im trying hard to fight the battle in my mind to not let my circumstances get the best of me. the weight i carry everyday can sometimes get overwhelmingly hard. today is one of those days. i fight stress and push to stay joyful, despite the circumstance i am in.

no matter where i've faced and what i've tried to do, i've been caught between a rock and hard place. and the only way i will ever get to move forward and leave this place of pressure is if God brings a miracle my way.  it's the same miracle that i've been praying for for about 8 years now. THE. SAME. PRAYER. REQUEST. FOR. EIGHT. YEARS. it's also the same miracle that He hasn't chosen to answer. just yet.

He could so easily take me out of my circumstance. yet  He chooses not to. instead of giving me easy answers, He tells me "my peace i give to you... do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid" [john 14:27].

on normal days i would totally run to the fridge and stuff myself with whatever sweet thing i could find when i find myself stressed. food is my go-to-god. but since im in the middle of doing a prolonged #die2self fast, i have no choice but to teach my heart to lean on Him. imagine that. He commands me that i shouldn't let my heart be afraid and troubled....

  • even if i make minimum wage and struggle every month on how to pay my monthly bills w/o any child support.
  • even if i cannot find a room/ place that will allow me and my son and my dog to move in with the price i can afford.
  • even if the stress of being a single-full-time-working-home-schooling-parent is heavy and a difficult load to carry.
  • even if i have no medical insurance/ / dental insurance and my wisdom tooth is causing me pain that's kicking my face.
  • even if there is no security at all with my current situation in life.
  • even if there seems to be NO WAY that my dream will come true at this point in my life.

He says there is no reason for me to worry, be afraid or be troubled. Instead He just wants to lavish His peace on me and asks me to believe. to believe and to always be full of joy in the Lord. let everyone see that i am considerate in all i do. do not worry about anything; instead pray about everything. tell God what i need, and thank Him for all He has done. then i will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard my heart and mind as i live in Christ Jesus. [phil4:4-7]

so on my tenth day of #die2self i choose to rejoice and give thanks. even if everything in me is screaming otherwise. i will fight off worry and anxiousness and choose to pray to Him and tell Him everything i need. i so badly need His peace. so im trusting in the One who sees and knows my end from my beginning  and im choosing to praise because the pathway to receiving His peace is thanking and trusting.

how do you deal with stress and worry?


day 9: My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me. [John10:27]

Jesus looks so happy beside one of His sheep. 

when we remain in His presence, we will learn to know His voice and know His heart. i believe when we long to linger in the presence of God, it makes the heart of Jesus smile.

Monday, January 17, 2011

me time.

day 8: it is God (not food) that arms me with strength [2Samuel 22:23]

spent time in His Word, writing in my journal and writing a couple of blog posts at starbucks today. and i was without my son coz he spent time with his grandma. (hallelujah) i love having 'me' times. found much solace.