Thursday, August 12, 2010

breathe life [part 4].

the Jews said, See how [tenderly] He loved him? But some of them said, "could not He Who opened a blind man's eyes have prevented this man from dying? Now Jesus, again sighing repeatedly and deeply disquieted, approached the tomb. Jesus said "Take away the stone". Martha exclaimed "But Lord, by this time he [is decaying] and throws off an offensive odor, for he has been dead for four days!" Jesus said "Did i not tell you and promise you that if you would believe me and rely on Me, that you would see the glory of God?" [john 11:36-40]

death brings forth gross smells and sights. death also brings pain and sadness. most of the time (unless we're weird or we work in a morgue), we naturally stay away from dead things and choose to focus on things that are beautiful and have life.

that goes without saying in the natural... but it also is the same way in the spiritual and emotional. when God allows certain dreams and prayers to die, our natural reaction is to recognize that it's dead and bury it, hoping that we will retain good memories and maybe, just maybe revisit those painful unanswered prayers and dreams once in a while to cry and mourn for it.

mary, martha, and friends were there... crying and mourning over their loss. Jesus had just finished crying with them. then He did something absolutely absurd.... He told the family and towns people to roll the stone away from the grave. imagine being in that situation. by telling people to roll the stone... He wanted Lazarus' family and friends to face the death of their prayers and the dream they had for Lazarus to live.

there are times in my life [like now] where God is asking me to roll the stone and face the grave of certain dead dreams and unanswered prayers. like Martha, my initial response is "Why God? it stinks too much in there! i'd rather just bury it and deal with this pain than face the death of it coz it hurts too much to try and remember it, much more believe that it will ever come to pass!"

then He reminds me of His promise... that if i believed in Him and relied on Him rather than what i see in the natural.. that i would see the glory of God. and with those words, i choose to face the grave of my dead dreams and unanswered prayers.
  • prayers for my son to hopefully have a wonderful relationship with his father one day
  • prayers of wanting to be financially stable and not having to stress about monthly bills all the time
  • prayers that my parents' relationship will one day be restored enough to be friends
  • prayers for my future adopted children that i've been praying for for 8 years.
  • prayers for my sister's skin to be healed
  • prayer for my own place, one where bathrooms need not be shared and i can finally have my own bedroom again.
  • prayers for family members who are choosing to live in sin instead of living for God
  • prayers for salvation of loved ones
  • prayers for more open doors for ministry... to be able to fully walk out in the dreams He has put in my heart to do.
  • even deeper cries of my heart for certain personal prayers that i have been believing and praying for for years now
God has been challenging me to revisit the grave. as i stand outside, the memories of those unanswered prayers sting my heart. yet, He challenges to me to go on and He looks at me with gentle eyes as He takes my hand and puts it on the stone. He then commands me to "roll the stone away".

anxiety and fear build up inside me... and yet i will choose to obey Him and take Him by His Word to push the stone away, not really sure what i'll see on the other side.

knowing i can't do this alone, i ask for help from others who have been praying and believing with me and for me to help me push away the stone in my heart and face my the grave of my dead dreams, fully trusting that by doing so, He will be faithful to His Word and fulfill His promise that i will be able to see His glory.