Monday, May 24, 2010

iFail.

I LOVE PEOPLE. I love building life together with people. Bring in the Word of God & prayer in that mix and it takes that love into a whole 'nother level. People. God. Prayer. The Word. Fellowship. Smallgroups.

This can be a good thing for the most part, but I know for me it can also be bad. Let me break it down to you and tell you why.

During smallgroups, we usually share about God, our hearts, and the Word. We pray, encourage, and share our lives with each other and it's good. But it's not what happens during the smallgroups that causes me to FAIL. It's what happens after.

I always chose to stay and linger instead of going home right after. And every time I attend or lead a smallgroup, I find that this almost always happens. And because of that... iFail.

I stay and talk to friends - about God & the Bible & life. I stay and encourage and pray for people. I stay to laugh or cry or both. I stay to eat, to hug, to fellowship.

BUT as I do all of the above - chitchatting, listening, praying and encouraging others..... my own son sits in the other room... tired, cranky and is often wanting to go home. And instead of listening to him and his needs, I listen to myself and to others.

And because I choose do that, iFail.
  • iFail because instead of being home early enough to cook him a home cooked meal, I have to feed him junky fast food.
  • iFail coz if i continue to show him that, to a certain degree, im showing him that other people are more important than him.
  • iFail coz im selfish... Because I love ministry. Because I love having the chance to talk to adults since im with my son the whole day. I justify it in my head that it's "okay to stay late" coz this is my "only adult conversation time".
  • iFail because my son should be in bed at a proper time and he's not.
  • iFail because he gets to bed late, which means he wakes up late. And I end up irritated with him if Im late for work the next day.
I dont want to fail anymore, especially in this area. this does not mean that i will not be attending any more smallgroups. it just means that i must practice a little more self control and leave at a decent time. and i must learn to SAY NO to myself. coz Next to God, my son should be my top priority. I need to stop failing in this area. if I fail in this area it means I've failed in life.

because "sons are a heritage from the Lord, children are a reward from Him [psalm 127:3]". a ministry is not a reward. a church is not a reward. smallgroups are not a reward. it think it's funny that God didn't even call friends a reward.

my FAMILY, my son is my heritage and my reward. and i must do what i can to make sure i am diligently treasuring this reward He has trusted me with.