Wednesday, March 3, 2010

breathe (part 1).

in light of recent events of natural disasters going on...i decided it would be apropos to liken my recent experience to one of nature's most destructive forces ever - a tsunami.

the parents bickering and fighting, the divorce, the sudden news about having to look for a new place to live, the not knowing where i was going to live till last minute. then there was the packing and moving when i had just moved into this place 5 months ago. all this was going on while i was fasting, working and homeschooling full time. our church seemed to have a whole lotta activities last month as well. february was like a surprise tsunami that hit me hard... everything was unexpected and i had no idea all of that was going to happen... but it did.

the element of surprise hit me so strong, that i don't think i've felt this tired or drained for a really, really long time. i felt like i was drowning. the pressure all around me was sucking the life out me and i was trying desperately not to give in.

gasping for air....
i decided to count it all joy.

wanting to breathe....
i continued to fast. continued to pray. continued to believe.

fighting despair...
i spoke LIFE and hope
not letting problems get the best out of me.

and yet... even in the midst of all my efforts...
i felt like my heart was still drowning...
and this weekend the tears just came.

this past weekend... i felt like i took such a beating emotionally, physically, and mentally that i felt like i was a zombie. problems + stress = anxiety. i felt like i was drowning. i was trying to do everything to make sure i wouldn't go down. i kicked, i fought, i swam... and in the end i got tired... because all i could see was water all around me.

and as i read my Word this answer came to me.

Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden and overburdened, and I will cause you to rest. [I will ease and relieve and refresh your souls.] Take My yoke upon you and learn of Me, for I am gentle (meek) and humble (lowly) in heart, and you will find rest (relief and ease and refreshment and recreation and blessed quiet) for your souls. [Matthew 11:28-29 amp]

because the water was so overwhelming.... i forgot to look up and bask in the Light. i didn't see that His hand was right there waiting to pull me up... if only i'd stop struggling internally for dear life.... all i needed was to look up and be.

GOD just wanted me to BE.
to breathe Him in.
to cry to Him.
to rest in Him.

this is why from now till the next few weeks... i will be RESTING. i still have loads to unpack... and because this time calls me to do exactly that... i will have to say NO to other things. (those other things will be mentioned in the next post).... instead of multi-tasking and spreading myself too thin... i will focus on one or two tasks at hand.

that way i can find more opportunities for me to rest in Him and learn how to that i don't continue to drown.

breathe -

to be continued: breathe (part 2).