Wednesday, February 17, 2010

give it up.

Lent starts today.

today lots of people will be observing this tradition by fasting and giving up meat, sweets, alchohol, etc, etc. some will observe this by giving up going on social media networks such as facebook/twitter/blogging for the next 6 weeks and using that time to seek God. i really want to participate with commemorating this tradition but had a bit of a dilemma as to what i was going to give up.

i started my "fasting season" a lil earlier than most people. prompted by several dreams i've had in the past year and certain painful situations that have come up in my life recently, i made a decision to undergo an extended fast a couple of weeks back. during this time... i decided to give up certain things that i love (such as eating YUMMY food), and showing God my desperation to be emptied of myself so that i may be full of Him.

i thought about maybe giving up my online social media life. but since my laptop is dead... it hasn't really been much of a distraction for me coz i dont have the patience to stalk people on my blackberry.

soooo....as i was praying, searching within me to see what i could possibly give up and sacrifice during this lenten season.... this came up...

my reality right now is that people close to me sort of left me hanging with this current situation of mine... which i'm sure they didn't mean to do... but it certainly feels that way at times. at the expense of someone else's happiness, certain sacrifices had to be made and one of those sacrifices was that we had to suddenly move and give up our apartment & look for a new place to live in with only 2 weeks notice! sooo i've been in the middle of packing and right now i only have 9 days to find a new place to stay... which is a bit hard coz i have a strict budget on rent that i can afford. if i don't find a place to stay...me and my son and my dog will be crashing in people's couches.

so right now there's enough stress in that situation aside from the everyday working & teaching & stuff that's enough to keep a single mama insane. so the pressure of that + me not eating the stuff i love eating + being utterly annoyed with some people = equals a cranky patricia on most days. my patience has been short. i've been worried. i've been extremely quick to answer. and i let my emotions get the better of me.

and i don't wanna be like that...especially to my son. i can sacrifice a lot of external things but what's the point of giving up certain things if my attitude stanks?!?!

so for lent....i will be giving up MY RIGHT TO SPEAK MY MIND and the NASTY ATTITUDE OF SPEAKING NEGATIVELY... meaning i won't say anything that is contrary to His Word and what He says about me and my situation and i wont say anything based on my ever-so-strong-opinions. i know this will help make me a better person and it will help others around me as well.
  • Reality can tell me: i dont have a place to live in
  • i will choose to say: He is my shelter & my refuge.
  • Reality can tell me: the situation i am in is stressful & worrysome
  • i will choose to say: be anxious for nothing, do not worry
  • Reality can tell me: i am alone in carrying this weight.
  • i will choose to say: cast all cares to Him because He cares for me.
  • Reality can tell me: there is no provision as of the moment
  • i will choose to say: He is my Provider. My Jehovah Jireh. The provision is already there.
  • Reality can tell me: i am tired. i need strength. i need encouragement.
  • i will choose to say: i can do ALL things through Him who gives me strength. He gives me joy and peace.
  • Reality can tell me: my family has consistently been the cause of pain my whole life.
  • i will choose to say: Though my father & mother forsake me, He will never.
  • Reality can tell me: this person im talking to is so freaking annoying, they think they know everything
  • i will choose to say: nothing...and smile.
so from now till easter sunday....for 46 days...i will try to NOT say anything negative... to myself or anyone i talk to.... i will try not say anything that will contradict His word. even when it hurts... even when im in pain... even when the sarcastic side of me is wanting so bad to say something back.... I.WILL.DIE.TO.MYSELF.

oh dear... i know THIS WILL HURT ME (in a good way i suppose)....but i also know this will be hard... but i guess it's not fasting unless you're giving up something that hurts. and anyone who knows me know how i LOVE to speak my mind. so to take a little part in the suffering of Christ (who chose to say NOTHING while being beaten and murdered) and give up my freedom of speaking my opinions this lenten season will be the most interesting fast i will have to undergo thus far.

please help keep me accountable and pray for me during this time. i know my mouth. i know my mind. i know myself... and i need all the grace and strength and self control to finish strong. so please be praying for me. and also please...to those of you that are my sandpaper folk that rub me the wrong way and those of you that know how to push my buttons... please stay very very far away from me from now till easter. LOL

thanks. let the season of lent begin.....

mark 15:3 - 5 The chief priests accused him of many things. So again Pilate asked him, "Aren't you going to answer? See how many things they are accusing you of." But Jesus still made no reply, and Pilate was amazed.

james 3: 9-11 Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right! Does a spring of water bubble out with both fresh water and bitter water?