Wednesday, September 23, 2009

v.s. #6 - singles' disease.

venting session #6 - the singles' disease - i write this LONG venting session hoping to not step on anyone's toes (i'm sure i probably will....) but allow me to share my thoughts and rant about this subject...because this is after all MY BLOG...and i will do as i please.

"when are you gonna get married?"
"maybe God is still trying to teach you a lesson before you get married"
"fix yourself up so you can find a man!"
"what?? you haven't dated anyone for years?? WHY?"
"your son is getting old...he needs siblings to play with you know"
"what no sex....at all??? not even a kiss??? not even a date??? are you crazy???"
"are you being obedient in your walk with God? why hasn't he given you a husband yet?"
"you're getting old....you need to get on it"


yes, ladies and gentlemen.... these are just some of the most common reactions i get when i talk to family & friends regarding my status as a single person. can i just say right now that I HATE those questions/advices with a passion. the reason why i hate it is coz family/friends/the church and society makes it feel like if you're a single person, that you have some weird disease or something. that is why no one likes you and why no one has put a ring on it yet. talk about major stereo-typing.

when you're single... its like the WHOLE world is conspiring/looking out for you to find your your match (online dating, blind dates, suggestions, etc). society & media show people in & out of relationships like it's as disposable as paper towels. churches have couples night, marriage seminars, parenting seminars, etc. but hardly have any "what you do with your life after college and before you get hitched" seminars. and don't even get me started with family reunions.... coz relatives can get pretty annoying when they ask questions about your "non-existent love/sex life". so pressure comes from all sides of the spectrum for a single person. this is one of the reasons why single people get so frustrated with being single.

it's EVEN WORST for a single mom. when people meet you and see you have a kid... the first thing they look for is the ring on your hand... and then they ask "what happened?" - like it's their damn business to find out how you got knocked up in the first place. or they automatically think that you're out on the prowl desperate to find a baby-daddy.

allow me to say that i think all that pressure is a bunch of B.S.

really.

pls. don't get me wrong... i understand that if someone finds a good thing, out of their excitement, they want other people to experience that great thing too. i get that. just like i think its great being a mom. i would want every woman in this world to be able to experience it because it is one of the best experiences i've ever felt...

BUT i dont think it's right for everyone. i know of some women who want/desire/dream of having kids and yet cannot get pregnant no matter how hard they try. and i also know of some women who don't have any desire to be a mother at all. it doesn't make them less of a woman if they don't have kids... it's just that they have other things going for them and having children is not one of them. and some women are just too psychotic to be mothers & should not be allowed to pro-create at all. i try my best not to give out "formulas" for them to do...or not to do... to get kids. because in reality... i have no idea if it is in His divine will for them to have children or not...

it's exactly the same with being single.

THERE ARE NO FORMULAS PEOPLE!

quit conspiring/spewing out advices on HOW-TO-SCORE-A-HUBBY

has it ever occurred to you that not all women dream about being a bride 24/7?!

i mean some women desire it & dream about it...and if you are one of those people... GOOD FOR YOU! keep on dreaming. i pray that God slaps your future husbands-to-be upside his head so he will get on it and find you ASAP.

i, on the other hand, fall on the other category. i dont pray to God for a husband all the time....only on days when bills are stacked and i need a babysitter STAT. LOL ;) joke! (well maybe it's half meant) but really, it's not in my priority list. don't get me wrong, God has done a major healing in me and i actually am now open to the thought of marriage... but it's not something i cry out to God for. i've been told "try to want it, desire it... coz maybe if you want it enough...it will happen". and i tried... but in reality, its not really what makes my heart beat.

so it annoys me a great deal if i get those statements or questions stated above because i feel like since i have other desires right now than being married.. that there is something wrong with me. because the dreams in my heart that are being stirred by His hands don't really have a lot to do with me in a white dress marching down the aisle...

but it has everything to do with writing books, with studying His Word, with me envisioning myself speaking to hundreds of women about the hope and healing and freedom in Christ. those things excite me. those things make my heart go thumpity-thump. and if He wills for a man to come along side the path He has for me... then i welcome it. but please please please stop making me feel like i have some disease for being single....and even wanting to be single right now.

sooooo.....my answer all those questions are:
  • *NO...i don't have to dress "nicer" or look better or lose weight or wear HEELS to get hitched...coz i know people who don't really dress nice, who don't really look that HOT... and are CHUBBY and yet they are married or are in a relationship.
  • *NO...i DONT have to change my personality...because my personality is mine. God made me that way. if my laughter & my sarcasm irritate you, GUESS what... you probably have a trait that irritates me too... whoever God has for me must be a "man after my own heart" and match my personality as well.
  • *NO...my fear of marriage is not the reason why i am not married...last time i checked God is not intimidated by fears
  • *NO...i am not doing anything wrong nor am i disobeying God because i am not married. i know people who do stupid stuff all the time and they are married.
  • *YES...it is actually possible to not scratch the itch everytime you're horny. COLD showers, self control & prayers work people...they really do!
  • *YES...my son does need a father...but guess what?? there are many men in my family & at my church who play the role of a manly figure in his life...plus my son has the BEST DADDY in the world...and He spoils him big time =D
  • *YES... there is a reason why i haven't "really" dated anyone for 7 years. and i dont plan on breaking that anytime soon because i just realized again why i stayed away from dating in the first place.
  • *YES...i believe that if God wills for me to be married... He will make it the "who and what and where and when" obvious. Just like He will when it its time for me to preach and write & do anything else in life. if He births it...then He will be faithful to show me when it will come to pass.
i dont need a man to put a ring on it... i like me so i put a ring on me... in fact i have 2 =) my diamond trinity purity ring and my diamond identity ring. =p i am SECURE in who i am and in the season that i am in...

if you're wanting to pray for me...pray for my dream to come to pass.. pray for grace as a single mother to raise my son by myself... pray for my finances... you can also pray for my husband if you will. but PLS...NO MORE QUESTIONS & FORMULAS....because as much as you dont wanna admit it...you don't know the how-to's and the answers either. the truth is: EVERYTHING we do in life has nothing to do about what we can do...instead it's about:

God's grace and His perfect timing.

Eph 2:8-10 (amp) For it is by free grace (God's unmerited favor) that you are saved (delivered from judgment and made partakers of Christ's salvation) through [your] faith. & this [salvation] is not of yourselves [of your own doing, it came not through your own striving], but it is the gift of God; Not because of works [not the fulfillment of the Law's demands], lest any man should boast. [It is not the result of what anyone can possibly do, so no one can pride himself in it or take glory to himself.] For we are God's [own] handiwork (His workmanship), b]">[b]recreated in Christ Jesus, [born anew] that we may do those good works which God predestined (planned beforehand) for us [taking paths which He prepared ahead of time], that we should walk in them [living the good life which He prearranged &made ready for us to live].

thank you for allowing me to vent.