Wednesday, September 30, 2009


when i see this picture... instead of seeing your beauty, i see your flaws.

i see fine lines and crows feet beginning to form.
i see that your eyes have began to "droop" & are not as "almond-y" as they once were.
i see pores that shouldn't be so large.
i see your moles. you have a lot of facial moles. unwanted moles.
i see scars on your face.
i see worry written all over your forehead
i see the weight you've gained.
i see the double chin that never used to be there.

i see imperfection.

i look even deeper, into those eyes that try to smile but often give away the tired soul within.
i know how much you worry.
i know how tired you often feel.
i know the burdens you put on yourself & how you often rely on your own strength to carry them.
i know you still have a temper (though yo
u've grown so much in that area).
i know you've been given a gift of to encourage but its so easy for you to hurt others with your words.
i know you are often impatient with yourself & others, especially to those who love you the most.
i know you try to see the best in people, but there are days that you choose to see them at their worst...and you linger there.
i know the frustration you keep inside.

i know how much you feel so alone at times.
i know you're very insecure about writing and speaking.
i know that you shout at your son sometimes out of irritation.
i know that you feel unaccomplished at times.
i know how much you cry.
i know that you try to read the word & pray everyday, but some days you get lazy to dig deeper with God.
i know your struggles. your lies. your lusts. your insecurities. your fears. your anxiousness.

i know YOU.

i am YOUR own worst critic.

but there is someone who knows you more than i. (ps. 139)

He pays even greater attention to you, down to the last detail—even numbering the hairs on your head! (matthew 10:30 msg)

His name is Jesus. and He came to make all things new. everyday HE makes you new.

He made sure to die for you so that your identity would not be set on your flaws.

ut instead your identity is on this CROSS.

you are NOTHING.

but in Him... you LIVE life to the fullest and you have EVERYTHING.

even with your flaws. even in your weakest moments.

Rejoice. because He loves you so.

Rejoice. because when God sees you... He doesn't see the flaws that i see.

instead He sees
a worshiper. a world-changer. a leader. a prayer warrior. a prophetic voice for the next generation.

Because He will never DEFINE you because of your imperfections.

He sees His Son in you. and therefore chooses to use you.

so heed His call & obey.

Choose daily to die to yourself and live in Him.

because in Him you live and move breathe (acts 17:28)

because in are perfected in and through each season He brings you through.

But whoso keepeth his word, in him verily is the love of God perfected: hereby know we that we are in him (1John 2:5 kJV).

in Him is abundant life.

and His power is made perfect in your weakness.

“My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. (2Cor. 12:9 NLT)

Tuesday, September 29, 2009


383 confirmed dead, hundreds missing, 80% of Manila was submerged, displacing 450,000 people. and now the city is covered in mud. philippines is under a state of calamity. (according to BBC & Time

These just maybe statistics to u...but these numbers mean friends & family to me & the rest of my people. PLEASE HELP in anyway you can & raise awareness by spreading the word. Donate your time to volunteer or give money, clothes, food, clean water, appliances, cleaning products (like mops, brooms, towels).

what you can do to help - donate to:

LOS ANGELES & SOCAL - see inform
ation below.

Every Nation - or

World Vision -

inquirer PayPal:

UNITED STATES - places to donate around the US:

My aunt's house:
my friend Roann lost EVERYTHING

SoCaL people - DONATE BY FRIDAY 10/2 - they will ship for FREE!

By now, the international media has made it known that Typhoon Ondoy (Ketsana) has wreaked havoc on the Philippines. At this point, 240 people have been killed, several are still missing and hundreds of thousands have been displaced. News reports state that this is the worst rainfall the country has seen in 40 years. The Philippine Daily Inquirer reported that Ondoy's total rainfall was 410mm, while Hurricane Katrina's was 380mm in New Orleans.

If you're trying to think of ways to help those affected by the recent flooding in the Philippines, ALAS Cargo is sending a 40 foot container from Southern California to La Salle Greenhills on Friday. You can help this week by providing donations in any form especially:


Towels Canned goods (preferably with a pull-open tab)
Ready-to-eat food (cereal, crackers, snacks)
Instant n
by formula

Toiletries (shampoo, b
ath soap, toothbrushes)
Medicines (for fever, cough, cold, diarrhea)

You can also drop off any donations at ALAS Cargo branches or Island Pacific Supermarket branches, the list is included below.

From ALAS Cargo:
Accepting donations in any form, targeting to fill up
40 foot container asap to ship by Friday.
Updated drop-off points & contact numbers – please call: D
ino (562)338-4729

205 W. Torrance Blvd.,

Carson, CA 90745... Read More

WEST COVINA • (626) 820-8870
(Inside Island Pacific)
1512 E. Amar Rd., Unit D

West Covina, CA 91792

MORENO VALLEY • (951) 220-5374

24907 Sunnymead Blvd Ste B
Moreno Valley, CA 92553

OFFICE HOURS Tues - Sat 9:30AM - 5:30PM / Sun 9:00AM - 4:00PM

PANORAMA • (818) 894-5688
(Inside Island Pacific)
8340 Van Nuys Blvd., Unit A

Panorama, CA 91402

• (562) 809-5070
11620 South St.

Artesia, CA 90701
Sa-Su 9AM - 5PM

SAN DIEGO • (619) 470-1023
3126 E. Plaza Blvd., Ste. F

National City, CA 91950

EAGLE ROCK (323) 340-8888

(Inside Philippine Village Center)
4515 Eagle Rock Blvd.,

Los Angeles, CA 90041


Panorama City
8340 Van Nuys Blvd Unit #A Panorama city, CA 91402 (818) 895-2423

West Covina
1512 E. Amar Rd. West Covina, CA. 91792 (626)
964- 4958

Los Angeles
627 N Vermont St., Los Angeles, CA 90004 (323) 67

11481 South St. Unit D, Cerritos, CA. 90703 (562) 809-88

***(the contact person also mentioned that it would be helpful to drop off goods at the warehouse in TORRANCE to expedite the relief effort)***


If you're in the Philippines - people need your time to HELP!!!
note by Dennis Sy:

Here are some things that we need:

1. volunteers. The more, better. We nee
d adventurous, whatever it takes cleaners for tomorrow
2. Mops, pails, cleaning powder
3. A water truck because the houses we are going to help don’t have water.
4. Pick up truck or van to drive the volunteer to the affected houses.
5. A willing heart.

If interested please text me at 09209278909. Thank you. Time to get dirty.



Pics belong to their rightful owners. I did NOT take any of these pictures.

God bless you all & thanks for giving.

help raise awareness...spread the word:

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

v.s. #6 - singles' disease.

venting session #6 - the singles' disease - i write this LONG venting session hoping to not step on anyone's toes (i'm sure i probably will....) but allow me to share my thoughts and rant about this subject...because this is after all MY BLOG...and i will do as i please.

"when are you gonna get married?"
"maybe God is still trying to teach you a lesson before you get married"
"fix yourself up so you can find a man!"
"what?? you haven't dated anyone for years?? WHY?"
"your son is getting old...he needs siblings to play with you know"
"what no all??? not even a kiss??? not even a date??? are you crazy???"
"are you being obedient in your walk with God? why hasn't he given you a husband yet?"
"you're getting need to get on it"

yes, ladies and gentlemen.... these are just some of the most common reactions i get when i talk to family & friends regarding my status as a single person. can i just say right now that I HATE those questions/advices with a passion. the reason why i hate it is coz family/friends/the church and society makes it feel like if you're a single person, that you have some weird disease or something. that is why no one likes you and why no one has put a ring on it yet. talk about major stereo-typing.

when you're single... its like the WHOLE world is conspiring/looking out for you to find your your match (online dating, blind dates, suggestions, etc). society & media show people in & out of relationships like it's as disposable as paper towels. churches have couples night, marriage seminars, parenting seminars, etc. but hardly have any "what you do with your life after college and before you get hitched" seminars. and don't even get me started with family reunions.... coz relatives can get pretty annoying when they ask questions about your "non-existent love/sex life". so pressure comes from all sides of the spectrum for a single person. this is one of the reasons why single people get so frustrated with being single.

it's EVEN WORST for a single mom. when people meet you and see you have a kid... the first thing they look for is the ring on your hand... and then they ask "what happened?" - like it's their damn business to find out how you got knocked up in the first place. or they automatically think that you're out on the prowl desperate to find a baby-daddy.

allow me to say that i think all that pressure is a bunch of B.S.


pls. don't get me wrong... i understand that if someone finds a good thing, out of their excitement, they want other people to experience that great thing too. i get that. just like i think its great being a mom. i would want every woman in this world to be able to experience it because it is one of the best experiences i've ever felt...

BUT i dont think it's right for everyone. i know of some women who want/desire/dream of having kids and yet cannot get pregnant no matter how hard they try. and i also know of some women who don't have any desire to be a mother at all. it doesn't make them less of a woman if they don't have kids... it's just that they have other things going for them and having children is not one of them. and some women are just too psychotic to be mothers & should not be allowed to pro-create at all. i try my best not to give out "formulas" for them to do...or not to do... to get kids. because in reality... i have no idea if it is in His divine will for them to have children or not...

it's exactly the same with being single.


quit conspiring/spewing out advices on HOW-TO-SCORE-A-HUBBY

has it ever occurred to you that not all women dream about being a bride 24/7?!

i mean some women desire it & dream about it...and if you are one of those people... GOOD FOR YOU! keep on dreaming. i pray that God slaps your future husbands-to-be upside his head so he will get on it and find you ASAP.

i, on the other hand, fall on the other category. i dont pray to God for a husband all the time....only on days when bills are stacked and i need a babysitter STAT. LOL ;) joke! (well maybe it's half meant) but really, it's not in my priority list. don't get me wrong, God has done a major healing in me and i actually am now open to the thought of marriage... but it's not something i cry out to God for. i've been told "try to want it, desire it... coz maybe if you want it will happen". and i tried... but in reality, its not really what makes my heart beat.

so it annoys me a great deal if i get those statements or questions stated above because i feel like since i have other desires right now than being married.. that there is something wrong with me. because the dreams in my heart that are being stirred by His hands don't really have a lot to do with me in a white dress marching down the aisle...

but it has everything to do with writing books, with studying His Word, with me envisioning myself speaking to hundreds of women about the hope and healing and freedom in Christ. those things excite me. those things make my heart go thumpity-thump. and if He wills for a man to come along side the path He has for me... then i welcome it. but please please please stop making me feel like i have some disease for being single....and even wanting to be single right now. answer all those questions are:
  • *NO...i don't have to dress "nicer" or look better or lose weight or wear HEELS to get hitched...coz i know people who don't really dress nice, who don't really look that HOT... and are CHUBBY and yet they are married or are in a relationship.
  • *NO...i DONT have to change my personality...because my personality is mine. God made me that way. if my laughter & my sarcasm irritate you, GUESS what... you probably have a trait that irritates me too... whoever God has for me must be a "man after my own heart" and match my personality as well.
  • * fear of marriage is not the reason why i am not married...last time i checked God is not intimidated by fears
  • *NO...i am not doing anything wrong nor am i disobeying God because i am not married. i know people who do stupid stuff all the time and they are married.
  • * is actually possible to not scratch the itch everytime you're horny. COLD showers, self control & prayers work people...they really do!
  • * son does need a father...but guess what?? there are many men in my family & at my church who play the role of a manly figure in his my son has the BEST DADDY in the world...and He spoils him big time =D
  • *YES... there is a reason why i haven't "really" dated anyone for 7 years. and i dont plan on breaking that anytime soon because i just realized again why i stayed away from dating in the first place.
  • *YES...i believe that if God wills for me to be married... He will make it the "who and what and where and when" obvious. Just like He will when it its time for me to preach and write & do anything else in life. if He births it...then He will be faithful to show me when it will come to pass.
i dont need a man to put a ring on it... i like me so i put a ring on me... in fact i have 2 =) my diamond trinity purity ring and my diamond identity ring. =p i am SECURE in who i am and in the season that i am in...

if you're wanting to pray for me...pray for my dream to come to pass.. pray for grace as a single mother to raise my son by myself... pray for my finances... you can also pray for my husband if you will. but PLS...NO MORE QUESTIONS & FORMULAS....because as much as you dont wanna admit don't know the how-to's and the answers either. the truth is: EVERYTHING we do in life has nothing to do about what we can do...instead it's about:

God's grace and His perfect timing.

Eph 2:8-10 (amp) For it is by free grace (God's unmerited favor) that you are saved (delivered from judgment and made partakers of Christ's salvation) through [your] faith. & this [salvation] is not of yourselves [of your own doing, it came not through your own striving], but it is the gift of God; Not because of works [not the fulfillment of the Law's demands], lest any man should boast. [It is not the result of what anyone can possibly do, so no one can pride himself in it or take glory to himself.] For we are God's [own] handiwork (His workmanship), b]">[b]recreated in Christ Jesus, [born anew] that we may do those good works which God predestined (planned beforehand) for us [taking paths which He prepared ahead of time], that we should walk in them [living the good life which He prearranged &made ready for us to live].

thank you for allowing me to vent.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

confidently humble insecurities.

i dont really consider myself to be an insecure person. in fact...i think that around the time i was born...there was an abundance of the gift of confidence in the air that i inhaled a lot of it. most people i know that were born in the first 2 weeks of december tend to be extremely confident as well... almost to the point that they seem a bit arrogant (no i dont believe in zodiac signs but just trust me with this).

the "bout of low self-confidence" rarely hits me... im usually able to shake certain emotions off right away. though it's not always the case. there are times (just like any woman) that i look at myself in the mirror and hate what i see. there are times when i second guess myself and my abilities.... you know... all that "stuff". but most of the time im okay. my close friends often joke around and tell me that my ego is the "size of a man's ego" LOL....and i don't contradict them at all. like i said..i tend to be confidently humble with who i am and most everything i do. (ironic isnt it? hey moses called himself the most humble man on earth. david & john were like that too).

anywhooo, i do i have a couple of insecurities that are hard for me to shake off..... and one of them has to do with writing.... & the other has to do with preaching or public speaking. weird huh? i feel like it seems so hard to try and put myself out there. because i feel like what i have to say isn't adequate enough for me to write on a book, much less publish it & preach about it. i don't know why i feel that way. maybe it's because of the lack of formal education that i received (coz i was out busy partying when everyone else was schooling....which is the one thing i regret by the way...not finishing school).... maybe its the feeling that no one is really interested to hear what i have to say... maybe its the fear of failure.... that if i start it.... i might not be able to finish it/get it published/ get it sold. it's a mix of a lot of things & more. it also doesnt help that i'm super connected in this blogging world and i know a bunch of people who are writing books who are waaaay better writers than i. there are too many reasons to state.... all i know is that im insecure about it.

but i know that despite my insecurity i must step out and do it... because to let fear get the best of me means i have already failed. and i know i am not called to be a failure but to be victorious & free from fear....(gal5:1 & rom 8:37). N. Cousins once wrote: “People are never more insecure than when they become obsessed with their fears at the expense of their dreams.” i dont want to be that kind of a person. i want to be free from insecurities & fears. soooo even though im drowning in a pool of self doubt & insecurities regarding preaching & writing..... i will choose to walk on the pools' water. (it's just a pool & not a sea coz im not THAT insecure...LOL)

i will do what needs to be done, which is to unlock the thoughts in my mind & the cries of my heart and pick up the pen and let it all flow on paper (or on microsoft word).... as i step out to obey this call... i pray that He will give me the proper words to say. i also ask that He would work through my insecurities during the process to give the confidence i need as i write. though what i have to share is partly my's really all ABOUT HIM. and doing things for Him makes the risk of stepping out of the boat & into the water worth taking.

taken from:

what about you? do you have an insecurities & fears? what is He asking that you do in order for you to get rid of it. share if u will.... just so that i know i'm not alone in this & that im normal. HA!

just remember though that:

“You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure about you. We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us.” - Nelson Rockefeller.