Saturday, February 28, 2009

one step closer.

i officially taught a class for the 2nd time in my life earlier today...i mean i teach all the time during my bible study group & once last month for a class at church, but since i taught sitting down...it didn't seem to make me as nervous and shaky...but today...i was actually able to stand behind the podium in our church....*gasp* and speak with a mic (i don't like hearing my voice in the speakers) and officially teach one of our classes at church. imagine that! and i didn't even break into a sweat that much (i guess it's coz it was a small class & i knew most everyone there)! and i didn't "read off my notes"...i just let it flow.

and although i was very very nervous and was quite intimidated and i even said "the book of ramen" instead of romans...LOL....i actually loved every minute of it! (i had ramen the night before & i was actually thinking of it while i was speaking). i wore a big smile the whole day. it's like i felt a launch in my heart as i was reminded that what i was doing was part of God's plan in my life and a fulfillment of a dream He's been showing me for quite a while. i am sooo overwhelmed right now that it brings me to tears.

i can't describe the joy that my heart felt to be used by God as an instrument to speak about and share His love to others....and to be able to overcome my long time fear of speaking in front of a crowd. for the first time in my life....i'm actually excited about speaking in public (hopefully, i get more chances in the future).

who would've thought that He knew what He was saying yeeeaarrs ago when He gave me a dream and i saw myself standing on a stage - speaking to a crowd. like sarai, i laughed, i ran from it, denied it and even mocked it. i said to myself..."impossible".

tonight, in repentance of heart & a new found awe for my King, i found myself saying:

"thank You, thank You my God, for knowing better than me. thank You that you didn't listen to me when i said i didn't want to ever speak in front and minister to people. thank You for giving me a chance today to show Your heart by sharing the crazy-amazingly-wonderful things You've done in my life. thank You for believing in me, when i didn't believe in myself or in You. thank You for sending friends along the way to speak destiny into me. This is all for You. i speak for an audience of ONE...the ONE who allowed me to be broken in order to make me whole. thank You for holding my hand and leading me each step of the way. today i feel as if i've taken one step closer to the destiny that You've planned out for me since the beginning of time...and i am extremely grateful that You trusted me with such a big task -to minister to your daughters. i am so amazed by You. truly You deliver those who love You from ALL their fears, YOU made one of my biggest dreams come true. indeed NOTHING is impossible with you. i love You."