Sunday, March 22, 2009

broken alabaster.

this woman had been so broken at His feet that it caused her to worship Him in complete adoration. there were disciples in the room with her. people who had been with Jesus & performed miracles in His name. there were people there who had received answered prayers and there were people who were "known" as His followers. and yet not one of them worshiped Him the way this woman did.

she knew she was dirty. she knew she was a sinner. she had nothing to hide. her tears and the brokenness of her soul were enough for her to humble herself in front of everybody to cry at His feet. His feet was probably full of dirt. He had been walking around all day...and yet she used her tears and her hair to clean them. she adored Him. she knew her life would mean nothing without Him. and the aroma of the spikenard that had been poured out and broken had filled the entire room and everyone, including Jesus could not help but smell and see the essence of her worship. others were jealous, others just sat - unmoved by the situation and others had the audacity to question.

yet Jesus, brought it back to the heart of the matter. She who has been forgiven much, loves much. that is why she was able to break that costly jar and pour it on Him. He said it was because of her knowing what she's been forgiven from and that is why she loved Him much. that is why she wasn't embarrassed to worship Him the way she did. there was something about this Man that caused her to break the one thing that was important to her...and pour it on His feet.

she toiled for the contents of this jar. i bet she went through a lot of pain to be able to fill this jar with that expensive perfume. tears were sown, hands were toiled, sacrifices were made...and yet..it was so easy for her to break this jar just so that she could worship Him...

i long to be that kind of a worshiper. unmoved by what others say, i love to cry at His feet and worship my King. i love to spend time in the arms of my Maker thanking Him for allowing me to break the jar of my plans, my dreams, my pain, my life, just so i could be closer to Him and feel His heart beat. not many understand why i run after Him with reckless abandon. not many understand why i live the way i do. i know i was dirty. i know i was filth. the cost of the oil in my alabaster jar that has caused me to be broken before Him had been sown with plenty tears...

my broken heart over my extended family who will destroy each other for money.
the pain of growing up abused and molested as a child.
the morbid fears & nightmares that haunted me late at night.
the heartbreak of being left alone pregnant to raise a child by myself.
the scars on my wrists in desperation to "feel" alive when all my emotions were dead.
the emptiness of giving away of yourself to people who don't deserve it in order to feel wanted.
the prison of pornography and sex.
the addiction of substance and alcohol abuse.
rejection.abandonment.brokenness.selfishness.
the horror of seeing women being treated like dirt by my guy friends with my knowledge & approval.
the influence i've had on others to lead them to walk a wayward & perverse lifestyle.
being physically abusive with people that i loved.
hurting people with my words and my hands.
acting out in rage and anger towards others who i didn't even know.
manipulating people and rebelling in order to get what i want.
lust.greed.slander.doubt.worry.


i've been forgiven and that is why i love Him so much.

i look back at my life and see that the cost of the oil that has caused me to worship Him the way i do is indeed painfully great, but it is worth it. and that is also why i continue to break the jar that is my life and i ask Him everyday to keep on breaking me so that i reek the oil of abandoned worship. may i never forget how much i've been forgiven. may i never forget how much He has set me free.

He has replaced the oil that was filthy and filled me with His Beautiful Spirit that has changed me from a wretched, dirty sinner to someone who is shaped into His image and likeness. amazing love indeed. and because of that, i allow myself to be continuously broken, only to be made whole and new in the hands of the Potter. because only He knows what this "vessel" is made for and what it is capable of doing and enduring. and the privilege of being formed & shaped into His image is more than what i can ask for....it is my lifelong pursuit and dream.

to worship at His feet in adoration is where i belong.

Luke 7:37When a woman who had lived a sinful life in that town learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee's house, she brought an alabaster jar of perfume, 38and as she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them. 44Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, "Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. 45You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. 46You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. 47Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little." Matt 26:7, Mark 14:3, Luke 7:37, John 11:13

what is the cost of the oil in your alabaster box? what has caused you to live in reckless abandon for Him? trust Him to transform the jar of your tears into a perfume of joy as you allow yourself to be broken by Him.