Monday, February 23, 2009

unwind my mind.

it's been quiet up in here. i've been trying to figure out if i:

a.) have been too busy with life, work, family, friends this week.
b.) don't really know what to write about for this moment
c.) have found something else to waste my extra-time with that i haven't had the chance to sit in silence to think & flow. (hint: it has a lot to do reading other people's blogs - so many beautiful stories out there and it also has to do with a lil tweet tweet bird)
d.) all of the above.

as much as letter c sounds like the biggest culprit...i believe the answer is really letter d.

i feel like i have so much i'd like to say (when have i never had anything to say in the first place??)....but my creative juices haven't been flowing this past week. as i brought this to prayer, i got this verse.

ecclesiastes 3:7b there is a time to be quiet and a time to speak.

if you hang around me long enough...you know that the only times that i will ever be super quiet is if im soooo deep into worshiping God that there are no words to express how grateful i feel, or when i sit in utter amazement as i watch my son build & create things with his hands or when i watch awesome indivuduals who effortlessly move in their own natural giftings that they can actually shut me up coz im so in awe (i.e. when this guy teaches). that's really it. everything else i usually have an opinion for and i'm never afraid to share it.

even if i'm by myself...my mind is never quiet. i'm always thinking, thinking, processing, worrying - "how to pay the bills, fix the car, prioritize my time with my son, etc." maybe it's the effect of waaay too much caffeine. LOL! or maybe its just how i've trained myself to be wired. it's very noisy inside my mind.

that is also why i find that i cannot seem to sleep early. coz i'd rather be up thinking than asleep resting. i know...pretty sad. =( and if i find that there is nothing to think about...i read about what others are thinking about (hence twitter, cnn, crosswalk & the tons of blogs i follow and read). yeah...i am finally admitting it....i'm addicted to over-analyzing & worrying about things. blech!

i really really want to undo that kind of "always thinking" attitude. so last week, i had made a decision to read and re-read my last love letter and stay stuck there until i allowed myself to be quieted with His love - zeph.3:17. although i've just started to embrace that concept of living quiet in His love...this past week has already been extremely refreshing. being quiet in His presence reminded me that it is the best therapy for a noisy mind...not writing a blog... (although blogging is very therapeutic for me)..not chatting with friends and family who live half way around the world, not reading tweets of certain celebrities! although it's fun to do those things that i've mentioned...the first place i should run to when i need my "therapy" should be in the arms of the One who loves my soul.

they say it takes 30 days to build a habit....(i'm doing a study right now about addictions). i don't want the habit of constantly thinking and worrying. i want to be able to be at the point where His voice drown out the noises in my head. i've noticed that i've written a few blogs about this topic so i guess it means it's something im really struggling with.
soooo.....my spiritual goal for this month is: to learn how to quiet my heart and unwind my mind. :) no fear, no stress. to learn to just breathe and be still. it means i have to embrace a certain type of lifestyle and thought pattern that i'm not completely used to in order for me to meet that goal. but i want to be a person that embraces growth & change...no matter how hard.. so i will do whatever it takes for me to grow in this area. these next few weeks, i will explore the different ways in order for me to grow.

okay time for me to get some zzzz's.

next blog: my physical goal for this month.