Thursday, February 5, 2009

dearest pat.

dearest pat (as you liked to be called back then),

there are so many things i'd like to say to you...coz there are so many things you need to know. you think you know everything... but you are dead wrong...and i know you probably hate me for saying that...coz i know you hate to be corrected. but please hear me out a bit because i love you and it might do you some good to listen to me.

this life you hate so much will bring much pleasure to you...in fact, a surprise is coming much sooner than you think & it will change you forever, but more about that later. your life will be great... but it will not be the same life that you expected to have... it will be so much better than you've ever dreamed of...but here's a couple of things you really need to know:

*first of all, those drug-nicotine-alcohol addictions of yours...please DON'T waste your money & your health on that...you think you need it to numb the pain...well, you don't. in fact, you will even make a choice one day to give ALL of those things up and will choose live purely until you get married! (*gasp-celibacy*) imagine that! :) but you will be so filled with joy & peace coz you'll become a junkie for something else..

*the relationship that you're holding on to... well...let me tell you right now to stay far, far away from that coz it's not going to do you any good & will only cause you pain. you will learn that you don't need a relationship to validate you... actually...you will remain single for quite some time (7 years & counting) and you will be waiting till a special someone comes along who will be so deserving of you and your son....but until that time...you will be very content, happy and satisfied. you will learn how to love & respect yourself and esteem yourself very highly... because you will find out who and Whose you really are...

*let's talk about your hair... please grow it out. girl... never-ever shave off your hair again...no matter how crazy or cool you think you are. in a few years, a girl named britney spears will shave her hair off and while everyone else thinks its stupid - you will be smiling...coz you know in your heart you cannot dare judge her coz will remember how stupid you were for doing that too.

*please, please for the life of me - stay in school! if there is anything you will regret in the future...it is that you didn't finish school. trust me! don't skip classes and don't get into anymore fights so you don't get kicked out (you've got to control your anger issues woman!). stop wearing that mask of toughness... coz you know that's not really you. plus, in the future when you & your old friends meet up and they start talking about how they were literally scared of you coz you were a "war freak", you'll be embarrassed by it... coz that's not how you wanna be remembered.

*the family you hate so much...well cherish it... cherish the out of town trips and the scuba-diving-together...coz one day it's not going to happen anymore. in fact, when your parents separate... and your sisters grow up & move on in life...you will miss those times.

*you will learn to have emotions...and you will cry - A LOT! you will have friends who will teach you to embrace the beauty of being a woman and will teach you the gift of crying. and you'll find out how liberating it is to cry and to feel and you will love it! (one of those friends will be your sister in law too!)

*speaking of friends, most of the ones you hang out with now will only be part of your life for a season so be wise with what you invest with them. and please don't influence them to do bad things. you're being stupid. in fact, a few years from now...you will see them again on facebook or myspace and they will send you messages saying..."oh my gosh...you have long hair pat...you're such a girl!!" or "do you remember when you did this_____??" and you will be mortified that they actually remember the stuff that you've blocked off your memory! Haha!! some of those friends though, will be your friends for life. don't worry, you'll figure out who they are :)

*remember your dream to be a power-hungry-politician-socialite-??? well that is soon about to change. you say you never want children... well you are, again, dead wrong. one day, your big dream will be to go on mission trips to love on orphans, you will want to write books and speak at conferences to share the Hope that you have found. the abuse that has pained you for so many years... well that will be the driving force for you to want to help others. yep, i said it... you will have a desire to go in ministry... (remember kicking those pastors coz they said they can "see you doing that in the future")? LOL!! one day, you will recall each and every person who has prayed for you... and your heart will burst with joy as you realize how much you were really loved, even if, you think right now that no one loves you.

*about your surprise, welllll, he will come to you about the time you become an official adult. you will get pregnant (you know you shouldn't have been having sex outside of marriage anyway), and you will be left to raise a son on your own. you will be terrified and it's not going to be easy... but the day you meet him will be the day you will feel love for the very first time. oh yeah..you'll undergo emergency c-section so spare yourself the 12 hour labor pains and tell them to cut you open.

anyway, this child is going to be God's gift to you. coz He knows that without this child, you will still remain a selfish-cold-hearted brat. this child will teach you many, many things and he will be a source of much joy. his smile will warm your heart and you will fall in love with the role you play as a mother - so much that you will want to adopt other kids in the future. he will be an easy child to raise... he will looove sports, he's witty and he will make you laugh a lot. you will see your heart walking around with two feet and your heart will feel emotions that you thought you'd never feel. he will be a tool for you to learn about the love of "Father God". though being a single mama won't be easy, you will even amaze yourself as to how much being a mom transformed you. oh yeah.... you love to homeschool and scrapbook too! LOL such a girly-girl you will become!

*oh yeah...did i tell you...you will be a woman who loves to pray. i know... it sounds weird huh? i guess you've figured it out by now that you will be one of those "weird-a**-born-again-christians" you hated so much!! and a hard-core one while i'm at it. you will be a Jesus Junkie. the God who you thought abandoned you... well He is going to chase you down and you are going to fall so much in love with Him. you will find out how much He loooves you. you are going to fall in love with the Bible and you will find so much joy in leading bible studies and serving others - because your heart is to see others know God and to see them live their life to the fullest.

*see i know you've always been an "extreme" kind of person...now you're extremely rebellious but when God gets a hold of your heart, lady, He will turn you into a different person in a few years time that others and even you will be shocked at your transformation...and you will have so much love and joy. and the peace that you've been looking for your whole life will become yours...

*oh yeah...lil' girl...cherish the moments of "midriff, belly baring, tight fitted shirts"...coz it is never-ever going to happen again! everrrr!! uhhmmm your stomach will have the trophy of motherhood written all over it (stretch marks) so enjoy it while it lasts! you will also gain pregnancy weight that will still be there 8.5 years after you've given birth! :) sorry...i didn't really take care of our body that well...but i'm working on it.

*you will move back to Cali, you will have gone from riches-to-rags-to-just-making-enough within this decade to teach you that money isn't everything and you will find out what humility means! you will receive 3 free cars, be saved from death 2x and a lot of other things...yep...you will see God take care of you in ways you never could think of. you will fall in love with the magic that is chocolate! you will have to learn to eat vegetables one day coz your son will make you eat it. you will work at random places in LalaLand and you will meet amazingly-wonderfully-cooky people from all over just like yourself that you will call your friends :)

BUT not everything about you will change though...
*you will still laugh loud and you still don't care about others who look at you "weird" coz of your boisterous laugh.
*you still prefer jeans and flipflops over girly clothes.
*you will still be addicted to coffee
*you will still be super close to your sister C, and B, & K will be added to your brood shortly.
*you still hate being corrected...but this time you're more open to it.
*you still love dogs!
*you are still very sarcastic :D
*you still love to dance, especially to house music & you still go out from time to time.
*you still have a temper...but you're working really hard to change that.... and in the next
decade... your wish is to tell yourself that you don't have a temper anymore.
*you still love your color...even if everyone in the philippines thought that "light" was the way to go... you've always loved being brown
*you still love the beach...
*you still have a fascination for tattoos :)
*you still loooove to watch romantic comedies and you will still cry and gasp at all the kilig
moments.
*you still love jewelry, china, boots, men's watches & perfumes & ralph lauren

somethings never change i guess ;)

yep...your life will be super-awesome...and there are so many more things in store along the way that have yet to be unfolded... so stop trying to think of ways to end your life and stop hurting yourself... coz you are soooo loved, you are extremely special... you are a very strong woman. and you will soon find out that the strength that you have physically is only half of the picture of the strength you have spiritually and there is a mighty destiny in store for you where you will leave a legacy to future generations.

be excited.... :) i can't wait to see what the next decade has in store for us!

Love - a heavier but much older & wiser,