Friday, January 16, 2009

gift of crying - day 6 - breakthrough '09.

day 6 - breakthrough 09 - till the walls fall down

i don't know what to say today...coz i am so overwhelmed by God's love that the thought of it brings me to tears. i know...it sounds weird right???

i use to not be a crier. in fact it would take a lot for me to cry (a lot meaning someone would have to die or something that horrid to happen). my heart was so hard before that i learned to suppress my emotions and i taught myself to never cry - even when the hardest problems came...and let me tell you these eyes have seen crazy problems. the only time i would allow myself to cry was when i would watch love stories. LOL, i know it sounds cheesy but it's true. watching rom-coms or sappy love stories gave me an excuse to feel.....because outside of the movie.....i didn't know how to feel anymore. i used to think that crying was for babies...that if you cry, you're somehow weak and your unable to express your feelings.

i don't know why, but now i cry A LOT. not just when i watch love stories, but when i talk to people, when i pray for them, when i watch extreme make over, when i'm sad, when i'm happy. OH MY GOODNESS - what the heck happened to me! i have a theory about this...(which involves two friends A&R who are criers...i think they transferred this crying ability to me somehow). but these past few years, God has turned my heart from a heart of stone into a heart of super duper flesh (ezekiel 36:26) and it's made me a crier! HA! who would've have thought?

and i like it. i really do. and i'm glad i had 2 godly women around me (who are criers) who taught me that it's okay to cry...not just while watching love stories, but when my heart is overwhelmed with problems or when you are sooo happy you can't express it with words.

and now i am crying coz i feel God's overwhelming love for me and i am extremely grateful.... that He's taken me so far from who i used to be...he's changed me from a person who had taught herself to die to her emotions coz the pain she had felt growing up was so terrible...to one who not only allows herself to feel, but feels for the pain of others as well. and i've learned to let the tears fall freely and its freed me.

day 6 - was a day of God's overwhelming love. i know He loves us all day, everyday...but today His love was just so evident in such a tangible way that it overwhelmed me. we had a wonderful meeting where people were called up to receive exhortation and encouragement by some of the leaders and pastors of our church. it was a beautiful time together...you could feel God's manifest presence in the room. it's was so humbling and beautiful.

sorry i wasn't able to take pics....coz i was busy crying in my seat for the others who were receiving answers for their prayer coz i was so happy for them! :) LOL! i think the people beside me were wondering how big my problem was and why i was crying the way i did....LOL! i know how they look at me, coz i used to look at criers the same way....but now i know better....criers are not the weak ones....they are the ones whose hearts have a big enough room to feel their emotions and the others around them as well.

thank you A&R for the gift you've shared to me...the gift of crying.