Wednesday, January 14, 2009

desire me - day 4 breakthrough '09

i woke up this morning wanting sooo bad to go back to sleep. i had made it part of my goals to wake up early enough to be able to spend ample time with God in His presence, in the Word and in prayer. this morning...all i wanted was more sleep. then i heard it...His still small voice in my heart that said..."i want you to desire Me...not to be obligated to spend time with Me...but to desire it".

that put a smile on my face. how many people out there want to feel desired?? isn't that like a basic human emotional need?? to be wanted and be desired. and YET, my God, the King of All Kings is wanting to be desired by me. :) how awesome is that? i was overwhelmed by this. i've always known the fact that God desires me...i mean why else would He have given His life for me if He didnt..right? i got that part down (talk about over-assuming identity in Christ) ;) LOL! but to teach myself daily to just bask in His presence because He wants to be desired...is a lesson that i am continuing to learn.

if i can be honest enough to say, i often find myself reading my bible and praying just coz i need to...often life & responsibilities get the better of my day and i give God the "blah part" - where i just blab all my problems to Him, hoping that He fixes whatever is wrong and i come to Him with a tired and heavy heart, not really lingering in His presence. i wish to get the prayer & word time over with so i can rest.. IMAGINE...me doing THAT! LOL! ;) and to think...the best place to really find rest would only be in His presence.

i really want to change that. i want to want to be with Him...first thing in the morning... through out the day, late at night....to abide in His presence....acknowledging His Spirit continuously. I want to want to read the bible and devour it & study it and look at the history & concordance & figure out what it says in hebrew & greek...and be super fascinated by it that i'd rather read it than sleep. i want to want more of Him. i want to desire Him because He deserves that and no less.

so this 4th day - my wall to break is a mediocre walk with God. i want passion, fueled by the desire to KNOW HIM MORE, coz anything less would be hypocrisy.

anywaaaaaay, this whole day, i did just that...seek Him....and it helped me get through the hardest day of the fast so far. i had a headache today...i felt like my mind couldn't function properly coz all i can see in my head was the pancit & KFC my co-workers had for lunch. and so i didn't hold a lot of conversations coz i felt like my head was floating...so i mainly just listened to preaching cd's while i was filing paper work.

one of the sermons i heard was pastor donna shelton's sermon about the anatomy of fear...and it was really really good. i have been feeding off sermons from pastor rick & donna these past few days and im telling you they are a powerhouse couple. you read the word which is your daily bread...then you hear a good sermon and it's like feeding your soul a good brownie :) ha! hearing their teachings have been like feeding brownies to my soul. :) anywhooo i have a few fears in my life that i have been battling to overcome and this teaching helped me pinpoint the fears that i have. i suggest to those of you who have fears in your life, that you go to their website and order a copy of the cd. it really enlightened the areas in my life that have been paralyzed by fear & why they are there & how to fight fear with faith. and so now i have a few more things to pray about again! LOL. (*thank you anna for the cd's.)

this fast is really teaching me a lot of stuff about myself ;) stuff that i would rather remain hidden, which the gospel is now bringing into light. aaaahhhh it sucks to deal with it but you gotta love it! Like John the Baptist says: i will decrease that He may increase!

the meeting today at church was just for men, so after work, i went straight home, gave my son dinner and took a nap! you'd think that after all that "unearthing & learning of my issues" today that i would go home and pray! :) haha! heck no. i slept! :) LOVE IT! well the bible does say that He "makes me lie down in green pastures" except that the pasture is a bed and my sheets are colored red :)

but christie did pass by and we prayed together for our family and for each other and we also got to talk to our dad who is in the philippines...who we are also praying for. i miss him and i wanna go home to visit him soon.

so yey - day 4 is almost over!!! a new dawn awaits me tomorrow!....here were my "fighting verses" for the day...the verses that kept me from eating the KFC and the pancit!:

jeremiah 15:16 When I discovered your words, I devoured them. They are my joy and my heart’s delight, for I bear your name, O Lord God of Heaven’s Armies.

psalm 37:3-4 3 Trust in the LORD, and do good; Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness. Delight yourself also in the LORD, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.

ahhh to feed on His faithfulness....it keeps my soul satisfied :)