Saturday, December 6, 2008

quiet longing.

there is a quiet longing in my soul...

i can't quite put my finger on what it longs for exactly...

i have been aloof these past few days...

really wanting for some time to just be.

not be a mom, not be a friend, not be a sister, not be a daughter...

not be any role i need to play...

but just be me.

i often find that i lose myself in the roles that i have to play.

as a single mom i often juggle many roles at once, even more than the "normal" mom.

there are a lot of masks to put on, burdens to carry, thoughts to keep, things to ponder.

these past few months all these were kept mostly to myself.

i can really only bear my heart to a select few...

and right now i don't know who i can let in or who i should keep out....

and its created a hole in my heart.

a hole of longing, for who or what, i really don't know.

is it a wish that there would be a day where i could get away...away from the roles and responsibilities...to be carefree.

is it a man's shoulder to cry on, to bear my weaknesses when i find no strength in me. for someone to tell me that im doing okay...for someone to be my help.

is it a wish for a day that i could be taken care of...instead of me doing all the caring.

or maybe it's all of that and so much more.

the quiet longing shouts within me and only i hear its' loudness.

sighs in the night, when all is asleep.

i come before my Maker and let the tears fall.