Wednesday, September 17, 2008

v.s. # 3 - it's missing again.

venting session #3 - it's missing again.

why is it that whenever i do laundry, i always end up with a missing sock?

it's happened all my life. every house i've lived in, everywhere i do laundry. i make sure all socks that go in the washing machine are in pairs. because i tend to be a bit OCD, i actually roll them into balls when i shoot them in the basket, and unroll them before i put then in the washer. so I KNOW they came in as pairs. but when time comes to fold and put away the clothes, i almost always seem to end up with one sock in the bottom of my laundry basket, sitting there alone.

well, i have a few theories as to what happens to my socks and son's socks when they disappear. to tell you frankly it's making me a bit paranoid. i don't think i should share my theories coz the sock CIA will come after me and make sure i never wear socks again. but i will take my chances, ofcourse, because i like wearing flipflops anyway - so they can go ahead and ban me from wearing socks all my life.


FIRST THEORY:
i feel like someone is stalking me and is obsessed with how my feet smell, just like that guy who stalked demi moore in the movie strip tease, who was gross enough to take her lint from the dryer. this person has stalked me all my life and seems to share my love for my feet. but he's nice enough not to want to "hurt" me too much that he only takes one sock and leaves me with the other. i think it's sweet. but please, to whoever is stealing my socks or my son's socks, just ask for it. you don't have to steal. i'll gladly give you the other pair you left behind so that your collection of patricia's foot fetish will be complete.


SECOND THEORY:
i am starting to believe that socks are alive and have a mind of its own. really. they have leaders called the sock CIA's and they protect socks from predators (us humans). i feel like they hate us humans for punishing them to smell our feet the whole day, only to throw them at random places after we've used them. no one likes the feeling of being used and abused. sad to say, that is what we do to our dear socks. so they plan it out slowly and they run away, one by one, hoping to form a conspiracy one day against all human kind and take over the world. their motto "change - remove the funk...remove the feet"

THIRD THEORY:
i think that washing machines and dryers are a courthouse for socks. maybe when we're not looking, socks commit certain crimes. that's why they run away and disappear. i think socks can be adulterous too. maybe they sneak out and find other socks that they can pair up with, even if it's not a match. they think they'll never get caught doing what they did, but little do they know, once thrown into the wash, the super sock god holds a hearing for them in the maytag courthouse lets the other sock juries decide whether to send them back to the earth in pairs, or leads them to eternal doom by letting them live "single" for the rest of their lives here on earth.

maybe i should start a sock-harmony-cafe where single socks can find their matches. funny thing is, i have to admit that i still have all the partners of the missing socks. i hold on to them, hoping one day they find their partners once again. it's the romantic side of me.


FOURTH THEORY:
sears, maytag and those other companies that make washers and dryers make a secret sock compartment in their equipments. the socks that are stored there block certain ducts and airways, therefore destroying your washer and dryer at a faster rate. and once that happens, well we either call the super expensive repair guy to come and fix it or we buy another set of washer and dryer from them. it's business. it's manipulation. it's how they make money and we've been suckered for so many generations.


FIFTH THEORY:
it's also happened that i've done laundry and found a sock that didn't even belong to me. my theory on that is that the water line and air way line from my washer and dryer are connected to others pipes all through out the world. so once the washer kicks into spin mode, the pipe cant take the pressure and tries to suck something along with the water. (try covering the sink hole with your hand when you've filled the sink with water, you feel like the sink hole just wants to eat your hand alive) so when it drains out, there's always one poor sock that can't hold on to it's partner and gets sucked into the black hole vortex of missing socks dimension. this vortex of suction will lead them somewhere in another part of the world.

i think someone in hong kong has my favorite polka dotted comfy sock. if you have it with you, please message me and i'll wire transfer you the money to send it back to me. my feet miss it so much.

okay. enough of my theories - i think i've shared too much information...i know for sure the sock CIA is after me already. next time i do laundry, i will probably lose all my socks - but i needed to take the risk to warn you, my fellow human beings, about this sock conspiracy that's going on. you're more than welcome to comment and give your own theory of missing socks. but i must warn you, the sock CIA might not appreciate that, so share at your own risk.

*cartoon used without permission. sorry to those who own them rightfully (cartoon stock and mark parisi). i didn't know how to ask permission from you.