Thursday, November 11, 2004

pity me.

Pity me

Written on November 11, 2004 @ 1:02PM.

i felt a little "down" earlier today… no not a little... actually i felt really bad....i hurt my foot yesterday & now i can't walk without a "cane"...

then today things just didn't feel right...it was one of those days. i felt sad & lonely, also frustrated...a lot of emotions running through my mind & my heart. i've kind of been feeling the pressure of being a single mom for the past few days actually...and its HARD!!! its emotionally draining & physically draining....plus celibacy & giving your life purely to God till the right man comes…its extremely difficult i might add!...

how can a woman feel like a woman especially when at home you have to be a mother & do "mommy" things but still be a single woman at the same time?!! do u even get what i'm typing? its weird, I know. I have to find that certain balance of being a single woman & a mother....i mean even young people assume they have a "hard time" not having a boyfriend/girlfriend & not having anyone around them to make them feel special...

imagine the longing of a mother who wants to feel like a woman from time to time?? plus aside from emotions, its draining to think of work (& the lack of it), my dreams of having my own place & my own car, going back to college to get a degree, finances, etc. etc. yada yada yada.

My emotions today are that bad...its like i'm in a season of just loneliness, unfruitfulness, & barreness.

but i am thankful that everytime i get on my knees (literally) to pray to my God...i know He hears me & is attentive to my pain & cries...its not a magical thing where all the pain suddenly disappears...but amidst all the emotions...God is faithful to make me feel blessed & to rejoice in Him always no matter how things are....

He made me realize that when you think you have problems, you shouldn't forget look at the people around you with bigger problems so that your life doesn't seem so tough...its like the teenagers who don't get what they want...they think they can act all bossy or trip just because they don't have their freedom to date or go out & party or do whatever...but its funny how maybe in the same neighborhood or school, another teenager is crying about being molested or raped. it makes the first kid look kinda pathetic!!!!!

i may have reasons to grumble & complain about my life coz i have been through a LOT of pain....but in the other side of the world there's a mother who just lost her child, or a child who just lost their parents...& when i think about them...i know that i am blessed...beyond all that i could ever ask or imagine...& that somehow...my problems don't seem so big after all! He carries my burderns...so I don't have to do it by myself.... the reality & pain of being a single mom & all the pressures that go with it is still there...but i have something to smile about...because i know that NOTHING is every worth stressing over (matthew6)

so yeah...each & everyone of us have our own "pity-me" story to tell & own burdens whether big or small. the thing is we don't have to carry them. It says "cast your cares upon Him for He cares for you (1Peter 5:7)"...to cast is to throw...so throw your burdens & emotions to Him & He will be faithful to give you peace....even in the middle of painful situations or just an emotionally dragging day (just like what i had). This faithful saying has been around for almost 2,000 years & still applies today...."stand firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. (1peter5:9 NIV)" or as another translation put it..."You're not the only ones plunged into these hard times. It's the same with Christians all over the world. So keep a firm grip on the faith" (msg bible)

so no matter what you're going through....know that God is able to give you rest & peace in the middle of the mundane things that life throws at you or the big obstacles that get in our way.