Sunday, November 26, 2006

when.

when?

hope seemed to be so far away...
few people know...that beneath the laughter & the smile...
there's a heart falling apart...
I try to be strong to cover up the pain...
but as i drove home today....
i couldn't help but let down the tears...
people see, but they don't know...
the secrets of the heart...
the yearning, the longing for answers...
when...when will it be better?
how long must I wait...how long must I pray?
how long do I have to cry everynight...
and sleep on a pillow wet with tears?

Ruthless Trust, Reckless Abandon is what they say....
yet, I find myself asking, wondering, have I not trusted You enough?
have I not had enough faith to believe and hold on to the promises?
why do I feel like my dreams, the very desires You gave...
are all slowly washing down the drain?
why do I feel alone?
You promised me I would never be alone.
come...I need You to hold me.

coz pain is what I feel...and it hurts so bad...
the joy of You is my strength they say....
tell me what it is that gives you joy?
i need Your joy...i need Your strength
so i can have enough hope in me for the next day...

the silence is deafening.....
i hear nothing....
i press in with thanksgiving and praise...
and yet I hear nothing at all....
except for my heart breaking...
and me trying hard to breathe and drown out the tears...

So i sip on my Cab...listen to jazz music...
ella fitzgerald, billie holiday to help soothe me...
and I try find reasons to smile....
coz my eyes are tired of crying.
Please please answer me...
coz I'm tired...so tired of crying.