Tuesday, August 8, 2006

the heart of a single mom.

moments of loneliness that no one fully understands...
unless you're a single parent...

i'd like to share with you....
what happens in the mind & the heart of most single moms
when the world is asleep....

sometimes i wake up just before dawn

and i get up from my bed & check on my son

i watch him in peaceful slumber
i give him a kiss on the cheek
& take a sniff at his hair

i smile as i think of all the things he's done & been through
& all the things he's getting ready to do

then i stand there
frozen in that instant
wanting...wishing somehow....

that in that moment i'd feel someone wrap his arms around me
& enjoy the stillness of time with me...

its in those very few times that i wish i had somebody to share my experiences with
from the past 6 years & 9 months that went by so fast

to have enjoyed the moment with someone when he was first born
to laugh with someone when my son does his crazy antics
to have seen someone else's face beam with pride when chino first rode his bike
to have had someone be there with me when he walked his first steps,
when he said his first words..first smile....
to have been with someone when he graduated from kindergarten
to cry on someone's shoulder when the stress of parenting & life gets to me
to have someone appreciate me because im raising my son well
im teaching him how to write, read & so much more
to have him come & share the burdens of raising a family
to help me...comfort me...love me...caress me...make love to me.
someone i can have to share the joys, the pains, the emotions
someone to be strong for me...when i feel so weak.....
somebody to make me feel like the woman that i am....

because i wasn't created to go through this alone....

and during times like these....the loneliness gets to me
as i try to hold back the tears & go back to an empty bed

i curl up & hug my pillow & cry myself to sleep
& manage to whisper a prayer.....
hoping He sees & feels my pain.

& i try to gather all the strength i have in me to face the next day
coz i need to be strong for my son...i need to be strong for me.