Wednesday, August 16, 2006

ruth's return.

Ruth's return to her mother-in-law.
Matthew Henry's Concise Commentary on the Bible

Ruth had done all that was fit for her to do, she must patiently wait the event. Boaz, having undertaken this matter, would be sure to manage it well. Much more reason have true believers to cast their care on God, because he has promised to care for them. Our strength is to sit still, Isa 30:7. This narrative may encourage us to lay ourselves by faith at the feet of Christ: He is our near Kinsman; having taken our nature upon him. He has the right to redeem. Let us seek to receive from him his directions: Lord, what wilt thou have me to do? Ac 9:6. He will never blame us as doing this unseasonably. And let us earnestly desire and seek the same rest for our children and friends, that it may be well with them also.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

in awe of who He is.

another week has passed...
as i face a new week...
tears burn my eyes...
as i fall on my knees...

& ask for...
& Joy...

& i thank Him...
for His Mercy...
for His Love

His Lovingkindness...
is what pushes me...
to hold on & believe.
His Love is why...
He hasn't let go of my hand...
even if I'm loosing my grip.

I live by Faith & not by sight...
& I am amazed at His Faithfulness...
with what He's done...
& I am anticipating...
what He's getting ready to do...

I am in Awe of Who He is.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

classic case of watered down dreams.

A friend of mine sent this to me through email...& i'd like to share it with you. Try & take time to read it coz it inspired me somehow with everything i'm going through. I hope it encourages you, like it did to me, to find it in your heart to somehow dream again.

Present Day Hope: A Classic Case of Watered Down Dreams

We all have things that we are hoping for, dreaming of and desperately desire. I am sure we can each name several things that we would like to see come to pass, materialize - you know just happen. But what do you do when you are in between the conception and manifestation. Initially it is easy to live with the concept, but after a while it becomes harder to "keep the hope alive". It becomes easier to deaden the longing than live with a longing unmet in the wake of the harsh reality that screams "it will never happen". As crazy as it may seem our reality constantly sends messages straight to our brains that cause us to continually assess our present circumstances. However, our dreams reside in our hearts which creates a tug of war - heart vs. mind. Our mind is wired to process facts often gathered through observation, inquiry, confirmation, etc. but our hearts are designed to believe in possibilities that often border the impossible or supernatural realm.

Possibilities are fueled by faith and sustained by hope but often quenched by doubt and suppressed by fear. One of the hardest feats in life is to have hope in the midst of contrary circumstances. So how do we cope… well I can tell you how I cope. It's rather simple really; I water down my dreams to what I can manage and what my abilities can make happen. I take an inventory of my skills, talents and even gifts and draft a plan. Basically I reduce my dreams to attainable goals where some level of effort required but nothing considerable of course then that would be dreaming. Goals are easier to manage, track and eventually attain. It is like having a "to-do" list, goals are items you can cross off and put behind you. Personally it is too hard to hope and live all at the same time. Life has enough challenges without adding the heartache of unmet longings. There are so many demands on me from the world around me on any given day, week, month that it makes it almost unbearable to place a perpetual demand on myself to dream the impossible or believe the incredible.

What is crazy is that just when I have finished trading my dreams for goals and think I have solved the dilemma of hopelessness is when God stirs my desire for dream once again. He will send a messenger that says "Don't give up, Don't give in.. trust Me" or he will permeate my thoughts while I sleep with a vivid dream or he will simply use some nostalgic event to arouse my memory (an old school song, journal entry, picture). God is relentless, persistent but all the while a loving father who won't let us settle down for watered down dreams and won't even let us annihilate the desire to see the dream come to pass. God knows that our attempt to annihilate the hope of our dreams is a form of self mutilation as we kill off a piece of who we are - our hearts. He loves us too much to allow us to degenerate into dead men walking -merely just existing from day to day. If he wanted us to be void of a soul, he would have created us to function as robots. It is the hope of our dreams that connect us to the heart of God and provides an entry point for God to enter our hearts which in turn brings us life and sustains us. Hope expands our hearts to breathe in God but hope is not without its share of tears. Our tears create a pool of water where the greatest miracles can take place - like the turning of water into wine.

i FOUND the writer of this beautiful post... it was written & posted by Ese 

Wednesday, August 9, 2006


people see me & they hear me...

talk, laugh, cry, talk & laugh some more.

but they don't see past that....
they don't know what goes on in my head
and in my heart....

i may laugh a lot but i hardly ever smile....

i miss the feeling of having my heart smile with me.

Tuesday, August 8, 2006

the heart of a single mom.

moments of loneliness that no one fully understands...
unless you're a single parent...

i'd like to share with you....
what happens in the mind & the heart of most single moms
when the world is asleep....

sometimes i wake up just before dawn

and i get up from my bed & check on my son

i watch him in peaceful slumber
i give him a kiss on the cheek
& take a sniff at his hair

i smile as i think of all the things he's done & been through
& all the things he's getting ready to do

then i stand there
frozen in that instant
wanting...wishing somehow....

that in that moment i'd feel someone wrap his arms around me
& enjoy the stillness of time with me...

its in those very few times that i wish i had somebody to share my experiences with
from the past 6 years & 9 months that went by so fast

to have enjoyed the moment with someone when he was first born
to laugh with someone when my son does his crazy antics
to have seen someone else's face beam with pride when chino first rode his bike
to have had someone be there with me when he walked his first steps,
when he said his first words..first smile....
to have been with someone when he graduated from kindergarten
to cry on someone's shoulder when the stress of parenting & life gets to me
to have someone appreciate me because im raising my son well
im teaching him how to write, read & so much more
to have him come & share the burdens of raising a family
to help me...comfort me...caress me...make love to me.
someone i can have to share the joys, the pains, the emotions
someone to be strong for me...when i feel so weak.....
somebody to make me feel like the woman that i am....

because i wasn't created to go through this alone....

and during times like these....the loneliness gets to me
as i try to hold back the tears & go back to an empty bed

i curl up & hug my pillow & cry myself to sleep
& manage to whisper a prayer.....
hoping He sees & feels my pain.

& i try to gather all the strength i have in me to face the next day
coz i need to be strong for my son...i need to be strong for me.

Monday, August 7, 2006

hope for help.

Jeremiah - the weeping prophet....wrote this lament during one of the darkest hours of his amazes me how in the middle of sadness & pain....He chose to write about God's faithfulness.....and still do what God had asked him to do....even when it hurt him.

This also reminds me of how Jesus cried out to God, at the Garden of Gethsemane, to take the circumstance away from Him, knowing full well the pain He was about to endure....but nevertheless despite the agony...He chose to do God's will...coz He knew it was for something bigger than the actual pain He was going through at that moment....He fixed His eyes on eternal things and put His hope in God.....

oh that i may learn to unswervingly put my hope to the One who knows my beginning and my end.

It's a Good Thing to Hope for Help from God
Lamentations 3:20-33 (MSG)

I'll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness,
the taste of ashes, the poison I've swallowed.
I remember it all—oh, how well I remember—
the feeling of hitting the bottom.
But there's one other thing I remember,
and remembering, I keep a grip on hope:

God's loyal love couldn't have run out,
his merciful love couldn't have dried up.
They're created new every morning.
How great your faithfulness!
I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over).
He's all I've got left.

God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits,
to the woman who diligently seeks.
It's a good thing to quietly hope,
quietly hope for help from God.
It's a good thing when you're young
to stick it out through the hard times.

When life is heavy and hard to take,
go off by yourself. Enter the silence.
Bow in prayer. Don't ask questions:
Wait for hope to appear.
Don't run from trouble. Take it full-face.
The "worst" is never the worst.

Why? Because the Master won't ever
walk out and fail to return.
If he works severely, he also works tenderly.
His stockpiles of loyal love are immense.
He takes no pleasure in making life hard,
in throwing roadblocks in the way

Prayer: what else to say but forgive me my God for doubting and questioning you..forgive me for losing hope...give me abundant grace to live each day with praise in my mouth in the midst of confusion and me to wake up each morning & be grateful for your loving kindness.....

i surrender all to the offering of worship i feel so much pain & my heart breaks at the thought of not knowing what can happen...but you are all i i will trust in you...for you are my rock & salvation.... therefore i hope in You...thank you for being faithful even when i'm not....thank you for your great faithfulness & your loving kindness. I love you.