Tuesday, June 20, 2006

fire burns.

Your fire burns within me
Burn within me with Your fire
Lift up your eyes and see
The Glory of the Lord in all the earth
Arise, Arise
Arise generation
no longer forsaken
Arise, Arise
I will not stop till every tribe and nation bows before you
I will not stop till they see your glory
King of Glory come in

-Jon Owens

Jeremiah 20:9 - if I say, "I will not mention Him or speak any more in His name, His Word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in, indeed, I cannot. "

Your fire burns within me..burn within me with Your fire...My King...may Your fire burn within me...may it consume the very core of my being. As you refine me with Your fire...may I learn to stand in the midst of the flames - the difficulties of life, the molding of my character, the testing of my faith - so I may come out as pure gold, a sweet smeling aroma to You....I choose to live to please You, to speak Your word...to hold fast to Your promises...not letting go...not shrinking back...but running...with reckless abandon...with tenacious faith...running to win this race & win the prize...the prize of spending eternity in Your presence.

I will not stop...till i see every tongue & nation bow before you...because You deserve to be praised. You are worthy to be praised & it's worth all my energy & all my time...to speak about You..to write about You...to show the world how madly in love I am with You....to live my life as a living sacrifice for You...saying NO to what I want to do...& saying Yes to what You ask of me to do...

Arise Generation...No longer forsaken...because You have not forsaken me, because even before I loved You, You loved me & died for me...I choose to make this stand...No longer am I abandoned, no longer am I alone...and as Your daughter, the princess of the King, I arise & take my stand, to win back what rightfully belongs to You my King...the fatherless generation who is crying out for a father...i will arise & speak of Your loving-kindness that is better than life...& i will tell the world of Your love...tell the world of the hope...tell the world that they no longer are forsaken, because You are there...waiting with arms wide open...for your children to run into Your arms of love.

Romans 8:15-16 - God's Spirit doesn't make us slaves who are afraid of him. Instead, we become his children and call him our Father. God's Spirit makes us sure that we are his children.

Monday, June 19, 2006

fatherless day.

written on June 19, 2006 @ 7:41pm

So what does one do to celebrate Father's day when you don't have a father in your family?

Yesterday, the world celebrated Father's Day....& although i'm blessed to have 2 fathers in my life...i wasn't really in the mood to rejoice....because raising a son on my own...my heart saw no reason to celebrate the occasion in my own lil' family (meaning me & christian).

My son...excited that about the fact that it was Father's day, made Father's day cards for his grandpa, his grand-uncle & one of his uncles. As i saw one of the cards he wrote, i couldn’t help but push my tears back....he wrote "happy father's day dad...from Christian"

I had to explain to him that although he has "father-figures" in his life...he can't really call them dad....because they aren't his dad...he looked at me with eyes that tried to understand the situation...but really he couldn't...i could see the questions arising in his head...but he just chose to say nothing...so i just took him in my arms & hugged him coz...he just smiled at me & said "i love you mom"...& went on his way to play with his cousins..

And i just sat there...wanting to be numb...wanting to curl up & cry...feeling sorry...not for myself but for my son who has no idea of what it feels like to have a father...or even know his father...What does a mother do when her child has so many questions but has no answers to give? What do you do when you feel overwhelmed with emotions because no amount of consolation or bible verses or sympathy will ever cover the pain of seeing the hurt in your son's eyes? And then the pain of having no one by my side to share this experience with....i thought i could just push back the tears...coz i've cried about this so many times already...but i couldn't. The tears just came pouring down

Some people have said that you will never know what love really feels like till you have your own child....it's the selfless love you want to give...to be able to bear the pain just so that your child doesn't have to...to want to give the world just to see him smile...to want to create a place of refuge in a world that's bound to give him pain....Then imagine taking that to another level & facing all of that on your own...aahhh the joys & pains of being a single parent. The emotional roller coaster...you will never know about the emotions unless you're there...sometimes it seems like everything is okay...then the next minute it just seems like too much... where do I get the strength to take on the burden? Where can I go to ease this pain?

Then it hit me...that a Man long ago, gave Himself & poured out His life, because He couldn't stand to see His children hurt & bear the pain & weight of sin...so He chose to die & give His life as a ransom for many so that those who accept Him may live. The Ultimate Sacrifice, the most selfless love, happened at Calvary & it happened for you & me. The Father so loved the world...that He gave His only Son...so that whoever believes in Him shall live. (John 3:16)

And the more I pondered about that...I felt the weight lifted off my shoulders...because I know that my son, though he doesn't have an earthly father, has a Heavenly Father who will love him beyond any father ever will. And though this life may give him pain, I know his Dad ultimately has good things in store for Christian....because if He gave His Son...He can give my son so much more than I can. (Rom. 8:32)

Also, it has taught me, once again, that God doesn't take me out of situations to make my life easier...He makes me stay there & He teaches me to be stronger (James 1:2-4). The pain won't disappear, it's still there....but in His presence, in His Promises, there is fullness of joy...that despite the pain, despite the hurts, there is still joy...there is still hope....because the joy & the hope is not based on my circumstances...but on knowing WHO HE IS...and that HE KNOWS exactly what I'm going through...

As I thought about how God the Father must have felt when Jesus, His only Son was beaten, was hurt, was killed, I imagined the pain of a parent...a Single Father...alone..with no one to share the hurt with as He watched His Son die...just so the world may have hope to live...I couldn't help but not be amazed...that He who holds the world in the palm of His hand knows how I feel because He Himself went through it. And that alone gives me grace & strength to go on & face the world...although physically, I am alone....I know that He will never leave me nor forsake me. (Ps. 27:10)

And because of that...I celebrated the rest of Father's Day with joy & peace in my heart for the first time in years & i look forward to celebrating it through out the years...because really...it's never going to be a Fatherless Day...because we have a Father, who loves us beyond measure or compare.

John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.

Romans 8:32Since God did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won't God, who gave us Christ, also give us everything else?

James 1:2 -4 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Psalm 27:10 Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive m

Thursday, June 15, 2006

living but not alive.

Chasing a dream
So many things
Capture my affection
Running ahead I've been a mess
Loosing my perspective
This is my obsession
Always chasing the wind
Left with nothing in the end

It's meaningless without you
Meaningless these treasures I possess
Only you can satisfy
Only you sustain my life
Without you
It's meaningless

Feeling you near
It's coming clear
You've got my attention
Filling the void
Killing the noise
Focus my direction
With intimate insistence
You overwhelm my senses
All I need is before me now

I'm breathing but I can't survive
I'm living but I'm not alive
without You

-Anthony Evans

Philippians 3:7-11 - But everything that was a gain to me, I have considered to be a loss because of Christ. More than that, I also consider everything to be a loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. Because of Him I have suffered the loss of all things and consider them filth, so that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own from the law, but one that is through faith in Christ - the righteousness from God based on faith. [my goal] is to know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death, assuming that I will somehow reach the resurrection from among the dead. (HCSB)

My God, I pray that my soul will yearn daily for you, as the deer pants for the water, as a dry land cries out for rain. May i learn to consider all things a loss...my possessions, my hopes, my dreams, my circumstances, everything i hold dear to my heart....all things are rubbish compared to knowing you...to becoming more & more like you...to be found by you...to be able to enter the throne room of grace and be in your presence...to look at the beauty and the glory of your face...to know your power, to share your suffering....to be conformed in the likeness of my King...the gentle Lamb who gave His life for me & considered it all meaningless...so that I may live...Thank you my Lord..for giving me your breath of life.

"I'm living but I'm not alive without you..."

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

praise you in this storm.

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen"
and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God
Who gives and takes away

I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am

Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God
Who gives and takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

-Casting Crowns

"Job 13:14-16 Because even if he killed me, I'd keep on hoping. I'd defend my innocence to the very end. Just wait, this is going to work out for the best—my salvation!"

Friday, June 9, 2006

healthy insanity.

20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

4 Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN".

5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for smuggling diamonds".

7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy".

8. Speak and Don't use any punctuation.

9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat - with a serious face.

11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

12. Sing along at the opera.

13. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day at work.

14. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Bottom.

17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won! I won!"

18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, "run for your lives, they're loose!!"

19. Tell your children over dinner "due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

20. And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity . forward this to someone to make them smile and laugh. Its called therapy.

-from Trina =)